CARP

DISCLAIMER: this is related to my field of study. it may bore you.

i trust you enjoyed my day off yesterday? if you haven’t noticed, your proverbial “lord” rests on sundays. this is because conjuring seven ideas each week is harder than six. also, it affords you, valued reader, ample opportunity to read over the previous week’s entries to ensure you remain afloat. capisci? (that’s two semesters of Italian for ya!)

i disdain television commercials. every advertising agency worldwide must employ complete knaves. my friend evan (i befriend only those who remind me of myself. it’s a vanity thing.) has a theory that fags have infiltrated the industry and produce commercials to promote their cause. i’m not so sure i agree with the half baked logic, but we are in agreement that commercials suck.

that’s why i want to fix ads so they are at least interesting. here’s how:

- no celebrity endorsements: we’re not all sheep. as shallow as you may think i am, i’m not going to buy something just because johnny football hero, jeopardy champ or celebrity mcnoface says so. you really don’t have to try fooling people. if the product is cool, we’re probably going to buy it anyway. save your money and spare us the talking heads (unless it’s actually david byrne from talking heads).

- no talking animals or cartoons: surprise! the majority of the population is not six years old. we don’t wet the bed, we don’t put boogers in scott’s grilled cheese sandwich, and our opinions won’t be swayed by someone who isn’t even real.

- no more ads for cars or plane/boat travel: well, what do you think we’re going to use for transpertation, bicycles? leave that to the chinamen. the only thing that makes one air travel company different from the other is the cost. everyone knows this. cars all look the same and we’re pretty much forced to buy one anyway.

- so what’s my ideal commercial you ask? the coolest commercial i can think of would be two chicks eating each other out, and then one looks up and says, “buy a refrigerator” … or something … i haven’t really worked it out yet.