PERFORCE

so the time has come to face up to the fact that i’m out four-hundred dollars—this is almost the cost of a college credit during summer session. to an unemployed, soon-to-be college graduate, this is a huge sum of money. it could be a month’s rent if i loved in a cozy little nook down south. in fact, it could be a lot of things to a lot of people.

here are better ways to spend $400:

i believe the answering machine message i left ilya was, “hey, fag. guess how much it cost me to get this project done. you’ll never guess. fine, i’ll just tell you: four-hundred dollars! i could have flown out to california and bought a pass for coachella this weekend, and still had money left for an overpriced bottle of water.” by the way, i also left ilya a message this weekend where i made this long, unbroken noise for 94 seconds. it sounded like someone trying to shit/orgasm/vomit at the same time…he said it was the most disturbing thing he’s ever heard!

i could also fly pretty much anywhere else in the country and do something interesting, with $400. i could go to georgia and visit my family. i could go to texas and bang southern belles. i could go to seattle and get addicted to heroin! the possibilities are endless when you’ve got a spare $400 to your name. i could’ve finally purchased an analog tape recorder, i also could’ve bought the an ampeg v-4, or an orange ppc-212, i could’ve gotten an ipod thing (i’ve been looking into finally selling my soul to buy one), i could’ve gotten myself two copies of the velvet underground and nico on vinyl, with the banana still unpeeled, i could’ve filled my tank up with gas and driven to any number of casinos (be it atlantic city, connecticut, or montreal, even), i could’ve taken the PATH into the city and bought bottles of johnny walker blue label for the homeless…

these are all dreams that will now go unrealized. the school should know better than to force a communications major to dive into his savings a few weeks before graduation. what do they think, i have a job awaiting me?