ERSATZ

I’m tired of talking about daily book updates, so I will make this quick. I have 90 minutes left to transcribe. The current document is 26.5 pages long. It consists mostly of, a) me talking about how beautiful the world is and how happy I am, b) being drawn back into the real world by the prospect of potential love interests, c) stupid shit I see on the side of the road that’s begging for mockery.

I set a story to music last night. Half of it happened two years ago when I went into New York to meet someone and hand out fliers for a concert. It was freezing cold December in New York, if I remember correctly. I was on my way through Rockefeller Center and trying not to bump into anyone. Then this strange series of events conspired. I never thought much about it but it’s haunted me considerably since that night. I added in a few extra details that have happened since, for purposes of length. If you can think of a title, let me know. Ilya suggested “Evan of Oranges,” because it reminds him of that Bright Eyes goon. I’ve just been calling it “Charged.” I was up until 5am writing and screaming it in the basement.

It feels cheesy, but I guess if my goal is to be as honest and genuine as possible in my different writing ventures, at some point I have to suck it up and tell some stories instead of shrouding every little thing in vagueness and metaphor. Nothing is gained by hiding messages that beg for freedom.

CHARGED
A seer stopped me smoking as I stood outside her building
She said, “I think we need to talk. Free of charge.”
So we charged up a flight of stairs to her second floor apartment
Where her daughter sat waiting in a room of chairs,
She was swinging her feet.
“Right this way, sit down please,” as she opened the door
to a small nook just big enough for us.
We huddled together. She studied the lines in my hands.
She stared through my eyes, took a deep breath…
She said, “Your father is sick, and your mother is a mess.
Baby led you on and left you scouring the floor for your guts.
You’re a victim of your higher brain
Giving off an air of independence,
But it eats away and keeps you thin.
Your warmth, it is exploited.
Soon a loved one will indict you,
So watch the company you keep.”
I closed my eyes and pleaded, “Is there any hope?”
She said, “I see what you do and I want you to stop.
I see what you want to do and I want you to start.
I see greatness and happiness that’s lasting.
I see one heart beating for two,
But only if you leave now running.
Do not ever slow down, Evan.”
She kissed my hand and held it tight.
We tore ourselves apart and bid farewell.
This was two years ago, and I swear I’ll start running soon.