DERNIER CRI

So Ilya sent me this article today and it really got me thinking. You see, back in–what was it, September? Dan and I thought it would be hilariously funny and ironic if we both dressed up in our best suits to go party for Ilya’s birthday. It seemed like the epitome of post-modern fashion statements, even though we were caught up in the notion that perhaps we needed an angle to go with our chosen garb. We were pretty sure if we walked into Maxwell’s (Pub, in Hoboken, for those out-of-staters) in just stupid suits no one would get the joke. If we were going to walk out of their with hot girls on our arms and salt shakers full of blow in our double-breasted jacket pockets, we needed a back story. We never ended up coming up with anything good, and the joke went over miserably except for the moment we each stepped into the pre-party. Of course, we ended up entering the party an hour apart, but that’s another story for another time.

That article was published yesterday. We were clearly two months ahead of the curve when it came to making ironic statements in suits and not getting noticed. Don’t you go saying anything about the guys in Stella, they’re not trying to make a fashion statement they’re just actors. We’re right there, in the shit, in the scene, trying to fuck up all the preconceived social and fashion norms. I tried the beard, but not only is my face too baby smooth to make it work properly without looking like a gay Parisian or a wretched junky, it turned out it wasn’t nearly as ironic as I thought it would be. Beards are just what dudes do when they’re bored and lazy!

My goal now is to start something and see it through. I want pioneer the next look. I know absolutely about fashion, marketing, analyzing buying trends or whatever else goes into like, clothes and things, but what I do know is looking like a total ass–for some reason– is constantly chic.

So for the next few weeks I’m going to at random times allude back to this post and maybe come up with a possible idea or twenty. Your job is to let me know whether or not you think they might work, and, if I walked into Piano’s or Maxwell’s or Mars Bar or whatever, would you think to yourself, “That motherfucker is so ironic it’s brilliant. Next week I’m gonna go out dressed like that, too.”

Now, I bet your all salivating on your keyboards, asking the question, “When is he gonna give us a great idea?” I don’t know, I don’t have one yet. I’m looking around my room and here’s what I see:

- socks (white and black)
- a cowboy hat
- a snow cap
- a hoodie
- jeans
- t-shirts
- sweater
- hoodie

Ok, that’s not a very good way to start. I’m thinking the cowboy had definitely has the most potential, mostly because I live in the northeast. If I went outside in my cowboy hat I’d probably get a lot of attention. So, let’s think about possible attires we could build around the cowboy hat. Maybe something like John Wayne or Gene Autry?

I’m liking Wayne’s look a little more. It utilizes more denim and is a little less homosexual. I’m not sure about the bandana around the neck, but wearing a denim jacket with jeans is sort of like wearing a suit, right? The hat just throws the whole look over the top, in my opinion. Didn’t Rob Zombie try that look a few years ago? He just took it to a stupid punk extreme with lots of day glo paints and made sure the hat was black and beaten up looking. True irony comes from wearing a a pristine Stetson like this:

OK, I can’t find the picture right now, but there’s a shot of me in Arizona wearing my cowboy hat in a parking lot on the UofA campus. Maybe next time.