WELKIN

Today I decided I would run some errands. Despite the abysmal driving conditions (traffic, not sudden blindness) and the flooded stores (with people, not chocolate), the weather has been mild so I was motivated to get out of the house for a while.

I stopped for a depth-charge sized coffee and within a few minutes it had combined with my legal speed to make me jittery and visibly shaky. I went to the bank and deposited some excess money that I would otherwise spend (on records or booze, not guns and ammo).

The shitty chain music store on Route-10 always has obscure used CDs so I found three good ones and paid about twenty bucks for them, maybe less. I don’t remember really, because I was kind of tapping out little rhythms on the countertop because I was still jolted out of my mind from the caffeine.

Afterwards, I got lost (in Target, not outer space). I was looking for some milk crates because I heard they are cheap (but not as cheap as stealing them from Livingston Bagel) and plentiful (but not as plentiful as sluts at a state university). I asked an employee where I could find them, (“You know, milk crates for storage?”) and he said “We don’t have any.” I called “BULLSHIT!” on him and walked away down a different aisle, made a few turns and walked down a few more aisles, until I finally came to the next employee I could ask. Unfortunately, it was the same guy, so when he turned around after I said, “excuse me?” I had to think of a new question.

“Do you sell things?” I asked.
“Yeaaaaaah?” he responded, and I again turned and walked away.

I decided the next employee I asked would have to be of a different skin color, so as not to make the same mistake three times. I found someone else (actually there were two guys, one dark negro and one pasty white), who informed me that milk crates are “seasonal items” (who knew!) and that I wouldn’t be able to find them again until August or September.

At this point I couldn’t tell if I was just anxious or if somebody was fucking with me, so I walked as briskly as I could out the door and drove home without any thoughts at all.

I still feel like an amped-up speed freak.

Here I am. I’ll be in the city tonight. Give me a call.

PLEASE WAKE UP, ZOYA.