Evan Ostracizes Himself From the Industry #1

I think it’s time for a new FEATURE segment on CmajEm. “Top Ten Friday” can be fun to do sometimes, and the “Sunday Mix Tapes” are always annoying to compile but the exposure sure is nice. The “Random Daily Google-Image-Search” feature was greeted with little fanfare and died silently (gas leak) a few months ago. So, what is this new feature, you ask? It’s like this:

I guess this “blog” is pretty popular. Some of my visitors are record label personnel who scour the internet for music related websites so they use to promote their label’s roster. I’m sure it happens to lots of other websites. I have an Inbox filled with e-mails that tout “emerging artists” and “established artists,” telling me who is on tour, who has a new album, and what’s garnering buzz. Then I get offered free CDs or interview opportunities or whatever, in return for posting said content on this site. It’s sort of like Payola. In fact, it is Payola. I hate getting these e-mails. They’re written with such canned passion; it’s often laughable. So I decided to start responding to some of the labels and bands, in the hopes of weeding out the legitimate from the phonies, the strong from the feeble, the ones who will send me free stuff even though I’m insulting them right to their faces from the ones that will just call me an asshole. It’s going to be a real hoot.

To: Evan LeVine
From: Lee Maddeford
Subject:
Date: Tue, 20 Jun 2006 14:16:10 +0200

Hello,

My name is Lee Maddeford. I am a songwriter / composer living in Lausanne Switzerland.

I have created a website that contains all of the music I have written and recorded up until now, over 150 mp3′s all downloadable for free.

If you take the time to have a listen I hope you find something you enjoy.

And if you do, please don’t hesitate to talk about it.

All the best,
Lee Maddeford

From: “Evan LeVine”
To: “Lee Maddeford”
Subject: Re:

lee,

you are no doubt very talented. probably too talented for my audience of jaded hipsters to give a shit about. hopefully that doesn’t dissuade you from continuing your career as a musician. also, a guy like you probably wouldn’t want people like that turning up at his shows anyway. they tend to be rather obnoxious and they look kind of like a strange unisex hybrid race. yeah, it freaks me out, too.

so are all your pieces for piano? who would you cite as your major influences? don’t worry about including the accents over the vowels in their names. i’ll figure it out.

if there’s one complaint i have with your craft, it’s the decision to include songs with titles that are in french. we americans don’t like the french very much, because they don’t shower and have sex with their sisters and surrender to the nazis all the time. and also they’re gay. sorry, did i say french back there at the beginning of this paragraph? i meant “freedom.” it’s an american joke. maybe you get it?

hey, take care of yourself. stay neutral.

evan