Live-Blogging the Yo La Tengo Request-A-Thon on WFMU

Last evening…

8:03pm – Hi. I don’t enjoy Yo La Tengo past And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out and Painful, but I’m going to give this a shot because I enjoy listening to WFMU and these annual request-a-thon shows are usually good for a giggle or twelve. Just to give you a sense of setting (I heard in fiction writing class that it’s important), I’m sitting in my bedroom across from the mall. The walls are closer to white than blue, and the floor is blue. The roads outside are empty and its sleeting. The sky is deep and gray. I have my old Sylvania tube-powered receiver set to 91.1FM and I’m sitting in a black swivel chair, laptop firmly in-lap. There’s a liter of Penta “ultra-purified premium drinking H20″ water at my side, on my desk. With descriptions like that, I bet you’re all salivating at the thought of my book finally being published.

8:05 – “I’m Your Puppet” is opening the show. Man, this sounds so twee. Am I really going to listen to this for the next three hours?

8:12 – The rules: If you’re going to donate, it has to be at least $120 for Yo La Tengo to try and play it. Also, each donation is rewarded with various numbers of DJ premiums. When I pledged I asked for Tom Scharpling’s premium, because everyone else at the station compiled a mix tape, and I could download my own mix tapes if I wanted.

8:17 – Even over the loud DJs, one can clearly hear the band strumming and chatting noisily in the background, probably while squinting at guitar tablature on the Internet like a bunch of losers.

“No way dude, Guitartabz.net says it’s in A, but it sounds better in E. Tell me I’m wrong!”

Ira. Ira. You’re wrong.

8:28 – Oh God, the first official song of the evening is “Inna-Gadda-Da-Vida”. Instead of an organ solo, they chose to do a drum solo that consisted of Georgia executing basic syncopated quarter notes.

8:30 – Second song of the night, “Eve of Destruction.”

8:32 – Third song of the night is the Talking Heads song, “Don’t Worry About The Government,” but they only know one verse and the chorus, so they switch on the fuzz box and segue into the fourth song: “Sonic Reducer.” Oh man, what a laugh. Yo La Tengo are about as far from punk as I am from ugly.

8:48 – Vienna is the city of sausages, and Yo La Tengo is ready again. “All Together Now” by the Beatles, off Yellow Submarine. At least this song fits their style (what’s their style, you ask? Dainty, I say).

8:50 – Hey, nice slide guitar. It’s the Traffic song “Low Spark Of High Heeled Boys”. And they play the whole song. I really like the first Traffic album, but I haven’t heard any of the other ones. This has been the best song of the evening, so far. I guess hour one is over, and I’ve not yet been deadened by wussy songs!

9:01 – Sorry, I got sidetracked by trying to fix the counter on my website, which is totally inoperable at the moment. Every time I attempt to shift its position, the entire page alignment goes crazy. This is more interesting than DJ blather. Hey, do you ever wonder what your grandchildren are going to look like?

9:06 – From Traffic to Hendrix’s “Crosstown Traffic”. Again, this is not a genre that befits the generally fey Yo La Tengo. I bet they’re fatigued after such a difficult, up-tempo song. Or not, because now they’re playing…is this a Social Distortion song? Oh God, no.

9:09 – They finally stopped playing the unmentionable Social Distortion tune, and now they’re playing “Some Velvet Morning.” Typical. Predictable. If you’re going to play Lee Hazlewood, play “No Train To Stockholm.” Now there’s a song! Oh, sorry, they moved onto the next number, “96 Tears.” Obscure? Yes. Good? I don’t know. Okay, they’re done. Time for a quick bathroom break!

9:16 – Do people actually enjoy this “live-blogging” thing? I’m talking about the nerd who sit and watch presidential debates or awards shows and critique every little thing like people on the Internet give a shit? I mean, I’m doing it because I’m snowed in, what’s their excuse?

9:26 – What the hell are these DJs talking about? Self-deprecation doesn’t work when you’re a radio DJ at a famous freefrom station. Your job entails digging through a sublime record collection, playing records, and making the tastes of your listeners. Don’t pretend to be un-hip. You’re hip! Deal with it!

9:31 – “New Age” was too much. Now they’re trying “Who Loves The Sun.” It’s ironic because I was just talking to Ilya not ten minutes ago about how they must know how to play every VU song, seeing as how they’re one of those bands (like Bedhead, Codeine, Low, et. al.) who probably worshiped the self-titled album in their younger days. That’s not a bad thing. I worship that album too.

9:33 – Jonathan Richman, we have you to thank for “Ice Cream Man.” Anyone else remember that Nerf Herder song “Jonathan?” Hilarious! Three minutes of ice-cream man later, and we’re treated to a guitar-swell-filled rendition of Duran Duran’s “White Lines.” It’s actually not so bad. Two minutes of “Get higher baby / Ahh” and then it’s onto “Emotional Rescue.” Also ironic, because I watched Gimme Shelter this afternoon. It made me wonder if I made the right choice not to get an Ampeg V4, and then I remembered I’d never play guitar like Keith Richards, so it didn’t matter. Epiphanies come at the strangest times, I find.

9:40 – A Kiss song? “New York Groove?” No comment. I’m going to go take another bathroom break. This Penta goes through me like (insert name of young female celebrity/socialite) goes through Valtrex!

9:45 – They’re definitely practicing “Sex Beat” in the background. I can hear that recognizable progression beneath the dumb DJ jokes. This might be the greatest moment of the broadcast coming up.

9:59 – Hour two ends with the first song of the third “set” I guess you’d call it. “Queen Bitch.” I fired up the web cam on my desktop (I have eighty-five computers in my room. I’m trying to garner the power of Big Blue—remember Big Blue?). Now I can watch the band play this Bowie song on mute while I listen on the radio. I’m sure it’s better than the Arcade Fire version. Ira’s Jew-fro is in full effect. He’s wearing red Converse, and…are those sweatpants? Next is “Witchi Tai To.” Okay…

10:02 – I think this is “What You Trying To Hide?” And the answer, of course, is discernible talent. ZING!

10:05 – They screwed up “Mystery Action” (it’s probably too fast for them), but they started over and have been going for a few minutes without any noticeable screw ups. Where the fuck is “Sex Beat?!”

10:08 – Elvin Bishop is NOT Jeffrey Lee Pierce. I don’t want to hear this slowed-down love-y dove-y bullshit. Even if it is dedicated to someone on their birthday. I want to hear what I know I heard you practicing. Quit playing what my balls. Who do you think you are, Yo La Tengo? One of the girls I quit seeing in high school because she wouldn’t go all the way?

10:22 – Someone from my hometown made a donation. That makes seven donations from said town. Who are these fascinating individuals, and where do they hang out? The 711? Somewhere more sinister? Surely if there were more-sinister places to hang out, I’d know of them. Otherwise, what am I living for?

10:24 – “Crazy,” crazy for feeling like such a dope. Which dope requested “Crazy?” Just turn off your radio and give up. Hey, a T. Rex song! “Get It On (Bang A Gong),” now there’s a nice request. Certainly this person put in a more thoughtful request than the moron who requested Patsy Cline.

10:28 – Another VU song. “After Hours.” I told you these people worship that album. None of you believed me. NONE OF YOU. Three minutes in, they stop and play a Hollies song. “Look Through Any Window.” Someone should call up pay $120 to request a Neurosis song, or a Flipper song. The chick drummer might lose her arms.

10:33 – Close enough. Someone requested Husker Du’s “New Day Rising,” and it sounds like utter shit. Just as I suspected. These guys can’t rock.

10:43 – “Gimme A Little Sign.” Is this over yet? I can’t stop thinking about the Oscars and the State of the Union, and how awful it must be sitting through them. Followed shortly by “She’s A Rainbow.” Second Rolling Stones of the night. I don’t like it…

…

…I don’t like it.

10:49 – “Streets Of Your Town” is not what I meant when I said, “someone request some Pig Destroyer.”

10:51 – Nine minutes left. Time to bust out the old standards, like “Twist And Shout.”

10:52 – Eight minutes left. Terrible surf-guitar solo on “Twist And Shout.” More like “Tone And Deaf!”

10:54 – Six minutes left. Or not. Bryce called in late. How timely! Too bad, I love Bryce’s show.

11:01 – “My Sharona?” Please don’t let this be “My Sharona.” Oh, wait. This is “Gimme Some Lovin’”. I almost just flung my water bottle at the radio for nothing.

11:04 – ZZ Top is proving to be a bit too hard for them. “Tush” is the song, and they do it alright. Then they do the “one banana two banana” thing, and it’s goofy. It’s endearing, I guess. In a sort-of pathetic way. No, whatever, I liked it. I liked the banana song. It was better than the ice cream song. I bet James loves these food songs.

10:08 – Time for an “epic” song. Oh God, it’s Styx. They’re playing “Come Sail Away.” People in the back of the room are laughing. It’s actually quite good. I’m laughing. See? Ha ha!

11:13 – Ira is doing an a cappella version of “You’ll Never Walk Alone,” and now the full band is joining him. They’re doing “Love Will Tear Us Apart.” This must be the end of the show. Wow, look at all those lyrics sheets printed on the studio floor. I guess they’re planning on mixing in the lyrics of the songs they couldn’t get to. They’ve mixed in lyrics from: “I Had Too Much To Dream Last Night,” “Believe it Or Not I’m Walkin’ On Air,” and “You’ve Gotta Have Friends,” “Another One Bites The Dust,” “The Greatest American Hero,” “Madame George,” “Starman” and “For the Love of Ivy.” Very cool.

11:24 – Game over. I’m done for the night. Time go get these three hours of my life back…by digging my car out of the spot where it got stuck with its rear-end hanging out of the driveway into the street!

Hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. No, really. I hope I perfectly captured all three hours of delicate, slow music, and the sporadic moments of softer, slower music. I hope it was a perfect literary replication.