Last night at the diner Z, Kristie and I chatted aimlessly about the art world and other half-baked, prosaic nonsense. Somewhere between a declaration that every artist is a self-conscious asshole and making up haikus about buildings, we spoke briefly about humorous band names. Z (knowing full well I detest the musician they call Bono) suggested “Bono” as the greatest band name. He then took it a step further by saying something to the extent of, “Imagine if all the liberal activist musicians held hands and made a big circle around the country, then moved inward destroying everything in their path. Where they meet in the center would be the new nation’s capital, and it would be called, Bono.” Geinus!
Imagine a band named Bono? Imagine a concept album based on all the philanthropic misadventures of the real Bono, set in the future. Imagine all the ironic frayed cowboy hats and multi-colored sunglasses. Imagine spoofing the famed Bono caterwaul. Imagine the lawsuit that arrives at your doorstep when Mr. Paul David Hewson realizes you’re defaming his character. Imagine that teeny-tiny shrimp of a man blathering to a judge about how he’s a social activist who is recognized worldwide thanks to that otherwise insignificant four-letter name. Imagine his attempt to prove you know he exists, and intended to steal what is rightfully his. And, if all else fails, you could just change the pronunciation to Bono, like Sonny Bono.
Possible song titles for Bono’s first record:
- This Leather Jacket Is Worth Months Of Food For Starving Africans
- I Still Haven’t Found It… (What I’m Looking For)
- The Failure of Product Red
- U 2 MIGHT HAVE AIDS
- TIME Persons Of The Year, Unite!!!!!
- That Time We Shook Hands For A Photo Op.
- Two
- An Over-sized Sunglasses Pandemic
- With Or Without Jews
- Monday Mop-Up Monday
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