Apparently the the big snooze (see what I did there? I used snooze instead of news) this week is that “thieves” broke into the garage where Billy Corgan and whoever-is-a-Smashing-Pumpkin-this-week have been rehearsing in preparation for their upcoming tour, which should bring joy to about as many people as a Sponge reunion tour would. The “thieves” (I’m using quotations because wait until you hear the awful things they did) made off with “various items belonging to [the band],” including “interesting photos, some of which, although unconfirmed, may be up for album art consideration.” Seems kind of serious, right? If it was any other band, it would be. But this is Billy Corgan’s Smooshy Pookins, so you the retard-factor of this story is incalculable.
Would you like to know the details of the stolen photographs? Would you like to know how awesome the potential album art considerations are? Before I tell you, keep in mind that it’s being reported the “goods” that the “thieves” stole cost in excess of $45,000.
According to just about every source (I’m quoting SPIN), “the photos–or possibly album art consists of pics of Paris Hilton, the Grim Reaper, a devilish businessman being crucified, children saluting, a close-up of frontman Billy Corgan, and Corgan alongside a topless woman.”
Holy shit! This could have been the most incredible packaging ever. I’m not even joking. Actually, I think I mean “pathetic,” not “incredible.” Have you heard Corgan has the titled the record Zeitgeist? Jesus Christ, someone needs to put this guy out of his misery. At this moment in time his career has gone so far downhill he’s essentially Vince Neil. Seriously, does he wake up every morning and feel like there’s even one person out there who care about anything he has to say? He hasn’t been relevant in an entire decade, and now he’s going to call his album Zeitgeist? Come on, Billy. There comes a time when you just have to grow old and disappear, like that time my dad made me take my dog out back and shot it because it was too old.
Well, after an initial firestorm surrounding the release of the “photos or possibly album art,” the pictures were taken down from the Internet. But don’t worry, I took the spirit of that SPIN story and decided to recreate some “interesting” photos of my own. If Billy Corgan wants to hire me, I’ll charge him far less than $45,000.
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