• Sorry, hop heads. This one could spell bad news for the marijuana decriminalization movement. Researchers in the U.K. have released findings of a study that shows that marijuana might increase the risk of psychosis, namely schizophrenia, by forty percent even with infrequent use. Of course, the fifth paragraph of the story states flatly, “The researchers said they couldn’t prove that marijuana use itself increases the risk of pyschosis…” which basically means the major factor in developing a psychotic disorder is probably something genetic. Which is exactly why I don’t smoke pot anymore! You should see my family tree, especially on my father’s side. Everyone was absolutely fucking nuts! Uncle Abe! Uncle Himey Carl! The basket-case and the cross-dresser! One jumped out the window of his hospital room and the other was disowned for falling in love with his adopted daughter! Who am I to tempt fate? You’d be insane to risk your mental health just for a few giggles when your the product of a long and storied psychotic lineage. [story]

…Which reminds me of that Bill Hicks routine about drug-related news stories, and how we never see any positive drug stories on the news. You never hear an anchorman say, “Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to slow vibration and that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There’s no such thing has death, life is only a dream and you are the imagination of yourself. Here’s Tom with the weather!”

• Speaking of the contaminated gene pool that is my home state, some asshole from Wayne, New Jersey is suing Starbucks after he suffered third-degree burns to his hand when the lid of his tea was not closed properly. I’ve probably been to that Starbucks, and I’m sure the nerd behind the counter didn’t maliciously leave the lid loosened, and this is all most certainly the fault of the alleged victim. I only wish something like this would happen to me, so I could be the asshole (no, wait…the rich asshole) who gets to sue the major corporation and take a long, relaxing vacation. Yeah, that’s what I need right now. A vacation. I work too hard. [story]

• PC World is running an article on “The Strangest Sights in Google Earth.” Yeah, we’ve seen pictures of crop circles and The Pink Bunny thousands of times already. Why couldn’t you nerds dig up pictures of naked chicks, U.F.O crash sites, WMDs, or Jimmy Hoffa? [story]

• Mark Cuban has clearly heard what the children of America are saying, and now he is echoing their sentiments. The billionaire loud-mouth has declared that the Internet is dead, and for all the support that social networking and Web 2.0 applications receive, there is “nothing on the horizon” as far as actual content is concerned. According to him, the future is the Intranet, or services like OnDemand and DV-R (television-based, not computer-based platforms), which Cuban believes are subject to less restriction. Whatever, TV is dead. It’s just like a TV mogul to say something like “the Internet is dead, the future is television,” when clearly a new technology has replaced an old arcane system as the main medium for gathering information. Nice try, buddy. Stick to ruining sports franchises. [story]

• I was in the car yesterday listening to ESPN radio, and whoever was hosting the sports talk show was doing so live from the site of the Arena Football League championship. His guest was Miss America. And, while listening to her talk, I learned that her “platform” (Miss America has a platform? What the fuck?) was Internet safety, and that in recent months she has teamed up with various undercover agencies to target sexual predators. I was absolutely baffled by this. She was basically the girl lying about her identity to CON a potential child molester into a face-to-face meeting so that he could be arrested and ridiculed by millions on live television. Even though being enticed to commit a crime is totally legal as long as it’s making audiences laugh at the sickos! I couldn’t wrap my head around the notion that there were men out there talking to Miss America on the phone or on the Internet, about sundry adult-themed topics, and possibly engaging in soft-porn talk with her, and pretending she was a fourteen year old! How fucked up is that!? You’ve got Miss America talking you off on the phone, and you’re closing your eyes really tight, imagining some fucking kid! What the fuck! Oh, and also, she should have her crown taken away for abetting law officials who use entrapment to snare criminals, but that’s another missive for another day. [story]

No Comments »

| del.icio.us | Digg it! | reddit | StumbleUpon