I should have known yesterday when I drove past the frowning foot at the Foot Clinic that trouble lay ahead for me. When I returned to my apartment from a day out, there was a package sitting near the front gate for me. It was clearly some form of media. Perhaps an album from Smithsonian Folkways, or a DVD-r from home. I picked up the package, which appeared to contain a CD. As I read the return address, and something unusual struck me. It was from RCA Records on Madison Avenue in New York.
What the hell could someone at RCA Records want from me? I slit the top of the envelope and instantly realized they had included no letter requesting that I listen to the album and write about it. I had not asked for anything from RCA–I don’t even know anyone who works there–and would never dream of working in conjunction with RCA. The thought sickens me.
So, what was in the package, you ask? You’re not going to believe it. The fine folks at RCA saw fit to send me a copy of the new Dave Matthews live double-album, recorded at Radio City Music Hall. What the fuck!? Is someone at RCA fucking with me? I am absolutely astonished by this. For the last twenty-four hours, I’ve been lost in thought, trying to ascertain why on earth someone at a major label would decide to send me a promotional album to review, and why they would choose a Dave Matthews record. The package was addressed to my website (It just said “Swan Fungus” in the name line), so clearly somebody had read my page. I just don’t know how they drew the comparison between whatever music I was talking about on that particular day and Dave-Fucking-Matthews.
Two people have told me to just sell the album on eBay or Amazon. But that’s not fun. I think something like a Dave Matthews double-disc set deserves more than lazily placing it up for auction. That’s why I want you, my beloved readers, to make me an offer for this fine object. The best offer will win the album, a personalized record review of said album, a customized 2-CD Mix Tape in the vein of the weekly Sunday Mix Tapes (with all-new never-before-shared tunes), and also, maybe a copy of the forthcoming Obscure References album. To enter this contest, just e-mail me your name, address, and offer (monetary or otherwise). I’ll mention this every day for the next seven days, and then announce the winner.
The ball is in your court, readers. Make me an offer I can’t refuse.
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