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By Evan ~ September 25th, 2007. Filed under: world news.
Scientists at Oxford have made a mathematical study that seems to prove the existence of parallel universe. So says the prestigious news source “The Press Association,” which I’ve never heard of until right now and will probably never hear from again. It sounds like the name of a fake business that wants to make money off potential idiots who cannot tell the difference between the Associate Press and this Press Association. It reminds me of that movie Boiler Room, when the dropout kid goes to work for a wire house called J.T. Marlin (see: J.P. Morgan). One expert called this story “one of the most important developments in the history of science.” I know I wouldn’t want my name attached to such a grandiose quote like that. I’m liable to look like a jackass when some punk kid mocks me on his infantile, classless bl–
Anyway…If you are unaware of parallel universe theory, it simply states that each time a new opportunity arises in the physical realm the universe splits, and each possible outcome is played out in its own universe. Maybe next Thursday you want to go see Jesu/Earthless/Wolves in the Throne Room in San Diego, but you decide at the last minute you’d rather see the free Jesu in-store at Amoeba the following day, and then race over to the bar where Wolves In the Throne Room will be performing. Maybe in a parallel universe, you’ll go to the Thursday night show and someone insane black metal fan will kill you. Maybe in another parallel universe you meet and fuck every single girl attending the show. Do you see what I’m getting at? That’s parallel universe theory.
I don’t know what this has to do with a math discovery, but I’m anxious to see if any other more reputable sources pick up on this story. I guess technically I’m a news source picking up on this story, but maybe in a parallel universe I decided to write about something else today, and one of you readers out there would go through life assuming there’s no such thing as parallel universes. Well, you can thank me at any time, buddy.
