Loading ...Artificial Artificial Paradises: More Mind-Expanding, Brain Cell-Murdering Livejournal Entries
By Evan ~ January 21st, 2008. Filed under: nostalgia.
This past July, I vowed to take the occasional stroll down Livejournal lane, and share with you some old missives that were written when I was really, really, really trashed. Over the span of four years, I fancied myself a young Thomas deQuincy, Aldous Huxley, or Baudelaire, but with no insight into the human condition, and a penchant for spending eight paragraphs talking about a cheeseburger. The Livejournal elicited many comments from friends that expressed pity, and often sounded like goofy online interventions. Perhaps the most vocal of my friends was Zoya, who told me that when I’m strapped for ideas on this here blog I should rummage through the archives for some of my old writings. After all, it’ll probably be better than faking my way through a post when I can’t will myself to be funny enough for you. According to her, including things like IM transcripts or old journals in a blog post is all the rage these days. So now, with a sparkly-clean, sound mind (that can only come from sobriety) I’m ready to glance over my old Livejournal entries.
Today’s re-post is taken from an IM conversation that was supposed to occur between Matt and myself, but Matt was away from his computer at the time, so it wasn’t much of a conversation. It begins with me giddily quoting lines from an episode of Mr. Show that was airing on TBS. There was a time when I was in college that TBS would air uncensored Mr. Show episodes with Futurama, Family Guy and Oblongs on early Saturday or Sunday mornings. It was totally a television block for stoners. Anyway, after two harmless quotes, things got really weird. I often wonder what Matt thought when he returned to his computer and found this all waiting for him. I don’t recall ever talking about this incident with him, which leads me to believe that he simply chose to forget it ever happened. I know if I was in his position, I’d do the same thing. That’s why I’m sharing it with you now. Enjoy!
01-28-04 @ 3:28am “hey! ultimate warrior, back the fuck up.”
2:37am
the yellow ribbons are for the young people
the orange ones are for the companions
2:58am
my name is terry
and my arms are half there!
but that doesn’t keep me from riding on the snare!!!!!
3:20am
my sister totally showed me this thing she found when i walked into the house
some bag from a trip to mexico she hadn’t cleaned out in years
and it had like, weird colored fucking….
face paint
in it.
that’s really like, sun repellent.
but i saw it as face paint.
so
parents put it on their kids when they’re on the beach and kids don’t mind because it looks “cool” to have weird green lines under your eyes or something, magenta and “hot orange” and “electric yellow” were the cool colors
under your eyes, on your lips, wherever kids could get burned on their little faces
so
i took the little tube from her
and ran upstairs and started smearing it into my skin
and laughing manically all the while
(i took a dozen or so bong hits before this all started)
anyway
before i know it my face is fucking GONE
cause there’s so much thick white gooey shit on there
and i’m laughing
because i’m william wallace
or the ultimate warrior
or some shit
and then i read the sun repellent removal instructions
and find out it’s fucking waterproof
and needs to be in water for like
at least 40 minutes
to get it off
anyway
so i started yelling at myself in the mirror
rubbing my skin raw
to get it off my face
and still laughing so hard and loud
and i found it oddly fascinating
that i was doing all this
my father never once woke up
in fact, he’s snoring more loudly now than before
you could reenact the civil war here and he’d slee tpruough it
anyway
what kind of fucking idiot rubs oily white fucking suntain lotion
into his face
at three in the morning
intead of just going to tsleep or something.
this kind of idiot
the kind i am
idiot
