Hidden amongst the daily barrage of album review requests from “indie” public relations firms today were two very important e-mails. The first one was addressed to me from Carl’s Jr. Guest Response. The subject was “RE: CarlsJr-Web Form E-Mail Address Message”. It stated:

Dear Mr. LeVine:

Thank you for taking the time to share your comments with us. Our goal is to make our guests happy–every guest, every time!

Because your opinions and comments are important to us, we have forwarded your message to our Marketing and Product Development Department for their review.

Please feel free to contact us again at any time.

Sincerely,

Shaina
Carl’s Jr. Guest Response
On the Web at www.carlsjr.com

P.S. Please retain your Thread ID in the message body. This will help us locate your information should you need us again.

[THREAD ID:1-GMIXET]

Again, with the “[THREAD ID:1-GMIXET]” sign-off, I have no idea what there intentions were. Those Carl’s Jr. businesspeople sure know how to confuse a concerned customer. When I read this reply, I instantly figured that all the bureaucratic red-tape would prevent me from ever receiving an answer to my letter that wasn’t penned by some computer e-mail program. But after firing off a handful of “fuck off” replies to the public relations firms, I came to a letter whose subject was simply “Restaurant Visit.” The Gmail preview showed me the first sentence. “Dear Evan LeVine. Thank you very much for taking the time to…” I was excited about the prospect of some restaurant in L.A. stumbling across a “review” of their establishment on my website, but I was completely wrong. It was another letter from Carl’s Jr. Suddenly excited, I hurriedly read its contents. Although, I couldn’t really get over the fact that someone at CKE Restaurants actually refers to Carl’s Jr. as a “restaurant”. The contents of the letter were:

Dear: Evan Le Vine

Thank you very much for taking the time to inform us of the experience you had at our restaurant in Los Angeles, CA. I would personally like to extend my most sincere apology to you for the unsatisfactory impression your visit left on you. I am very sorry.

At Carl’s Jr; we strive not only to provide a delicious meal with great guest service, but we also make every effort to create a safe, clean, and friendly dining experience. It is obvious from your comments that we fallen short of the high standards we have set ourselves. In failing to live up to our guests’ expectations, we have not only tarnished our reputation, but more important, we are in danger of losing an important guest.

I assure you that every effort is being made to correct this situation. I have contacted the General Manager regarding you experience. I would also be at that restaurant tomorrow to ensure correct procedures are being follow on the preparation of the chili fries.

I appreciate the time you have taken to express your concerns. It gives us the chance to learn where we need improvement. It also allows us to resolve any problems that may arise from time to time. Guest like you, who make us aware of this problems, are our most valued guest and we would hate to lose you.

If you have any questions or concerns , please do not hesitate to call (805)xxx-xxxx.

Sincerely,
Jose Luis Flores
District Manager

I feel somewhat vindicated. Someone will (supposedly) be visiting the Carl’s Jr. on 6th Street tomorrow to ensure that all “procedures are being follow [sic] on the preparation of the chili fries”. Well, I guess that’s good…except for the fact that the cheap-ass SPAM they use in place of real, meaty chili isn’t going to magically change overnight, and it’s not going to prevent them from continuing to advertise about the deliciously meaty and flavorful chili fries and chili burgers. It’s just going to ensure that no one is literally vomiting up diarrhea onto a plate of french fries. And, really, anyone who takes a sentence like, “It looked as if somebody vomited diarrhea onto an order of french fries, nonchalantly dropped a slice of cheese on top, and declared it to be edible” seriously doesn’t deserve to hold a position as esteemed as District Manager. If I get another e-mail tomorrow telling me that everything is copacetic I’m going to be really angry.

At the very least, I expected a coupon for a free chili burger or chili fries. I didn’t want my fucking anger alleviated. That’s bullshit. That’s not why people write letters. I thought I’d get some free food out of this, or a Carl’s Jr. hat and t-shirt. What the fuck good does it do for me to learn that a CKE employee is going to a Carl’s Jr. to see that everything is in order. How about you invite me along with you, you’ll pay for my meal, and I’ll tell you everything that’s wrong with it. Now that’s the kind of public relations coup that I would totally fall for. I’d come home and write a huge long post about how innovative the people working for Carl’s Jr. are, and this little mini crisis I started would totally fade away. Well, now it’s here to stay. It’s on the Internet, and it’s going to be here forever. If even one person reads this and decides, “Nah, I don’t want Carl’s Jr. tonight,” I’ll feel vindicated.

There’s still time to e-mail me that free meal coupon, Carl’s Jr.

There’s still time…

1 Comment »

| del.icio.us | Digg it! | reddit | StumbleUpon