The boys pose for a GAP ad
The last time I sat down to critically listen to an artist I already despised for the very first time was during my senior year of college. I’d always hated Bright Eyes, even though I’d never heard a song of his. I had my friends Ilya and Sarianna send me their three favorite songs, and then I tried to listen objectively before forming an opinion. Although it did not occur to me at the time, I guess that’s how most music fans go about deciding whether or not they like something. They listen to it first, then decide. I’ve never been good at that. That’s why I already can’t stand this Vampire Weekend band, even though I’ve only heard one thirty-second clip of one song. Today I’m going to listen to the entire album and decide whether or not Vampire Weekend belongs in the “Hate Pit” with The Arcade Fire, or merely the “Meh, No Thanks” pit, with Bright Eyes and Destroyer. I’ll be typing whenever the mood strikes me, so if you want to match up this blog post with the album (a la Dark Side of The Moon and The Wizard Of Oz), I would press PLAY right now.
This sounds like Paul Simon. “Mansard Roof,” I’m talking about. Remember that song where Chevy Chase and Paul Simon are sitting together and Chevy is pretending to dance and sing the song? That is what I get from this track. It sounds like maybe one of the kids in the band has heard of Lord Invader, or has a general knowledge of some calypso melodies, but maybe was too afraid to push the song fully in that direction. In the end it winds up being a generally boring, poppy opening number. Here’s hoping it gets a lot better soon.
“Oxford Comma” is embarrassingly bad. Imagine if Belle and Sebastian had a different singer (that’s a good thing, by the way), but he felt the need to sing about grammar, buildings in India and Lamas. Already this album is way too precious for its own good. I’d make a joke about a guy in “skinny jeans” and a sweater penning these lyrics during class, but I don’t want to fall into the habit of repeatedly insulting the party responsible for this music so early on in our listening adventure. By the way, when did the lite synthesizer overtake the Smiths-style jangle-guitar in the battle for gayest sounding instrument?
Oh wait, here’s that Smiths guitar sound. This number, “A-Punk” is really upbeat. Paul Simon is back singing his pretty heart out, but he might be trying to sing through a mouthful of food. Actually, it sounds like a too-hard attempt to meld Richie Valens with Rita Lee, but he’s referencing the Hudson, the subway and Washington Heights. The punk-ish yelps that signal the song’s coda are fragile enough to warrant plenty of unjust laughter. Here’s the thing about these songs so far. They remind me of Orange Juice. I tried really hard to get into Orange Juice, but I wound up hating it. I’d much rather listen to Orange Juice than Vampire Weekend.
The Smiths guitar begins “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa”, which instantly reminds me of these frat parties they used to have at Muhlenberg where dudes would wear Panama shorts and stupid collared t-shirts, and have Jimmy Buffet blaring through PA speakers outside their house. As I watched them playing beach volleyball on a makeshift beach and drinking Malibu rum straight from the bottle, I wondered if they thought they were accurately portraying life on foreign shores. That’s the same feeling I get listening to this song. Maybe Vampire Weekend naively imagines “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” to sound like pure Afrobeat or Reggae. It doesn’t. More dumb lyrical references to Louis Vuitton, Bennetton, and Peter Gabriel make me think these boys watch a lot of Family Guy.
“M79″ is supposed to be, what, Mozart? “Campus” reminds me nothing of my own college experience (although maybe it would if I was the type of emo kid who dragged his feet and silently cursed passersby), and the Afro-pop-new-wave whatever you want to call it reeks of Spandau Ballet or one of those other early-’80s ultra-accessible new-wave band. The rest of the album doesn’t really waver. “One” might be the worst song on this generally sub-par album.
Okay, so easily-digestible pop music isn’t my preferred style of music. Still, it shouldn’t be that difficult to see through the Vampire Weekend sheen to the ugly truth that this simply isn’t good. Beat Happening were pretty weak and twee, but compared to Vampire Weekend they’re a balls-to-the-wall rock band. This music is too slick, too studied, too affected. There are plenty of bands who tastefully borrow from world music without inserting it into otherwise preening collegiate pop songs. Antibalas and Cex Fucx do it better. I’d rather listen to those acts.
The Strokes were from New York, garnered a lot of buzz, and wore their influences on their sleeves, too…
Ra Can Row – Somewhere Else
Laddio Bolocko – Beatrice The Coyote
Fikret Kizilok – Leylim Leylim
Sod Hauler – Mother Trucker
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