Just in time for my return to the East Coast, I uncover a website called Beer Menus, which allows users to search for individual bottles of beer all over the city using Google Earth. Also, clicking on a particular ale house forwards you to the most up-to-date beer menu available. I’m salivating at the thought of finding the best possible watering holes when I’m in town, and the thought of this project being extended to other cities, like the one I currently call home. Shockingly, the three most popular beers searched for are Abita Purple Haze (that shit is a dime a dozen out here), Stone Arrogant Bastard (yawn, even the Oaked Bastard is old news by now) and Dogfish Head 90 Minute, which I always figured you could find at any corner liquor store in Manhattan. Oh well, that leaves all the good stuff for me to drink, I guess. [Beer Menus]

On his worst day, this guy might command more respect than confessed “cheeser” Randy Marsh. [story]

This might be my worst fear come true (for somebody else). I think if I found myself in a situation where a thick swarm of bees were taunting me, I would forego being frightened and simply panic and pass out. The only other solution to a tornado of bees that I can think of would be to grab the closest sharp object and stab myself in the chest. I don’t fully understand my fear of bees, but I guess we all have irrational fears of something, right? Speaking of which, it’s getting nice and hot out again. Time to a) stop wearing yellow t-shirts and b) start looking over my shoulder everywhere I go to ensure no bees are following me. [story]

Here’s a good headline, “Strange Things Happen at Full Moon.” That might be news to some people, but if you grew up in my house…oh man, my father’s personality took on some truly strange quirks whenever there was a full moon. This one is not news to me. [story]

$2 million dollars worth of marijuana plants were found in a grow house somewhere in white trash Florida. Apparently cops realized that a man who lived in the house was climbing a utility pole to steal electricity for his operation. I guess it was pretty smart of them to notice he was stealing electricity and follow up on their hunch, but the statement, “A lot of marijuana [is] not going to make it to the streets and neighborhoods in our county. So, we’re glad about that,” is just retarded and naive. I’m sure right after he said that, the deputy sat down at his desk, bit into a donut, and — for a moment — actually believed that he’d helped win the war on drugs. Meanwhile, finding pot in any town and city in every state in this country — especially Florida — remains about as easy as finding an old Jew in Florida. [story]

An “extensive genetic study” shows that human beings had a brush with extinction only 70,000 years ago. At some point, the number of early humans might have dwindled as low as two-thousand before they began to grow again…which further proves my theory that as much as the media tries to induce panic, the end of the world will never come. Don’t be afraid. [story]

“The first crop circle of 2008 is here! It was discovered on April 19th in a canola crop in Wilshire, close to the ancient stone circle of Avebury.” I guess that’s somewhere in the UK? I’ve never heard of Avebury. In any event, I implore everyone to celebrate this momentous occasion by watching the movie Signs, but only the first 60 minutes or so. After that it gets all theological and stupid, plus once you see the aliens it ruins the whole film. [story] In a related story, several residents in the north Phoenix area reported seeing strange red lights in the sky this past Monday. A newspaper reporter also reported seeing four lights in a square shape that eventually became a triangular shape. Perhaps this is related to the March 1997 “Phoenix lights” story? Remember in Signs when the first “lights” appear? Wasn’t it over Phoenix? Am I making you believers paranoid yet? Do you Battlestar fans living in your parents’ basements have enough tin foil helmets for everyone? [story]

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who made last night’s birthday party a success. A special thanks to Lauren (who also celebrated a birthday yesterday) and Nick for being great hosts. I hope all you partygoers arrived home safely and are resting easy today. I, of course, have to go into work. Luckily I’m not very hungover. Also, thank you to those who e-mailed me, commented (that would be NO ONE), donated money (NO ONE), or left me MySpace / Facebook birthday wishes. Those were quite thoughtful and sweet as well. Maybe I’ll post a picture or two from the get together when I have more time.

Maybe it’s just me, but it seems like The Stranglers don’t get any respect from music critics when it comes to citing obvious similarities between their sound and new bands. For example, the roots of bands such as Bloc Party and Franz Ferdinand, all those new wave/post-punk bands I’ve never actually sat down to listen to but have heard ad nauseam on television or radio are in The Stranglers, or The Jam, or Magazine, etc. You hear Wire and Gang Of Four references out the ass in record reviews, but never The Stranglers. I wonder what the fucking deal is? is it because they were old as shit for punks? What gives!?

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