A Swan Fungus reader from all the way in Japan sent me a donation last week. It was for $12.46, which calculates to roughly ¥1276.25. After PayPal took it’s cut of the donation (which I find to be deplorable — it’s a fucking donation), I was left with $11.56. That’s when I hatched a scheme — which is stolen from a certain online comic strip that Ilya loves and I hate — to dedicate entire blog posts to how exactly I spend every cent that is donated to the website. So, with my $11.56 safely transferred into my bank account, I decided that I would buy some fancy beers, get myself as drunk as possible, and write about it. Sounds like a good way to spend my day off from work, no?

It is right now 2:40pm on a Wednesday. Roughly one hour ago, Nicci and I were grocery shopping at the Trader Joe’s on Glendale when I asked if she wanted to drive to the 711 in Highland Park that sells a number the world’s top beers. She said she was “down” (my word, not hers, because I can’t think of a better one at the moment), and that’s when we decided on this new feature for the blog. I took Glendale to Riverside to Figueroa. The mart is located at Ave 52, on a particularly busy corner. In front of this 711 there are signs which clearly state there is a three (3) minute time limit for all parked cars. As I’ve stated once or twice before, this is one intense 711.

The middle-aged, attractive blond woman was not standing behind the counter to greet me. It was a local kid (non-white). We made a B-line for the refrigerator, which was stocked with Belgian and Trappist beers on one side, and 99-rated or above on the other side. A few new beers graced the shelves this week, but I had my heart set on a bottle of Hair Of The Dog Fred. A few weeks ago I drank Adam, which is the highest rated Traditional Ale in the world. This time, I opted for a…Barley Wine?

That’s weird. I normally hate Barley Wines. At several of the beer festivals I’ve attended, Barley Wines have been featured, but I’ve never enjoyed one. I like this. According to the commercial description, “Fred was created to honor beer writer and historian Fred Eckhardt. Fred the beer is a deep golden color. It is made with aromatic and rye malts and includes 10 different hop varieties in an effort to incorporate the whole world into this beer.” The beer pours a beautifully opaque amber/honey color, with a thick off-white head that leaves a good amount of lacing. The aroma is sweet and yeasty, with a lot of fruity notes (pears? apples?) and a hint of hops. The flavor is rich in malts and hops. There is a slight alcoholic aftertaste, and plenty of sweetness and traces of fruit, just like the aroma. There are a wide variety of flavors at play here. The mouthfeel is slightly warm from the alcohol, thick and sticky. Overall I would rate this beer highly due to its unusual blend of flavors and generally good drinkability. I must warn, Fred is not for the faint of heart. I gave it a 4 out of 5 on the RateBeer scale.

By now I’m fairly buzzed. The 10% ABV is acting on a reasonably empty stomach. All I’ve had to eat today is a handful of chili & lemon flavored pistachios. Maybe I should take a piss before I start this next beer.

Mikkeller Stateside India Pale Ale. This one came highly recommended from Charles at 711, who informed me that — according to some beer website — Mikkeller was now ranked the #6 brewery in the world. I have no way of telling whether or not this is true. Again, I’m not normally a huge IPA fan, but I decided I would give this brew a taste. It’s a beautiful spring day today, so I’m certainly not in the mood for a thick, black imperial stout or porter.

Oh, dudes, Phoebe and Sara just brought me a red velvet cupcake. This shit is so good. I wish you could eat it with me.

As for the beer, it was brewed in Copenhagen. The commercial description reads that the Stateside IPA is, “Mikkellers tribute to American micro-brew. This IPA is brewed with three kinds of American hops (Chinook, Cascade and Amarillo), fermented with an American ale yeast strain.” It pours a translucent copper/amber color with a large white head that leaves a good amount of lacing. The aroma is very hoppy, and is rounded out with some floral notes. The flavor is crisp and filled with hop bitterness. In fact, the aftertaste is a little too bitter for my palate. Still, this is an easily drinkable and a good take on the India Pale Ale style. I rated it 3.5 out of 5 on the RateBeer scale.

Now that I’m really buzzed and whatnot, it’s 4:00pm and I’m going to settle in and watch the Mets game. Honestly, I would like to extend a great amount of thanks to reader Stephen in Japan for his generosity. I told him upon receiving his donation that I wanted to send him a personalized ‘Thank You’ note complete with gifts, but he made me promise that I would spend the money either “at a random takeout joint in an alien part of town” or “on a freaky imported alcohol and blog about its awfulness.” “Get drunk,” he asked, and get drunk I have. You should ALL follow Stephen’s lead, all 611 of you, and send in a donation. Maybe next time I will illustrate my adventures for you.

And now, in an attempt to further prove that you are not doing your part to keep this blog running, I will share a gift from another Swan Fungus reader. A kind gentleman named Matt sent me a Kadane brothers bootleg last evening. Enjoy it! Make a donation or send me a cool out-of-print or hard-to-find recording!

Matt & Bubba Kadane
2001-11-10 Stratsbourg, Le Molodio

01) Crushing
02) What’s Missing
03) Dead Language
04) Lares & Penates
05) Simple Life
06) Bedside Table
07) Foaming Love
08) Alter Ego
09) Roman Candle
10) Carne Levare
11) Newness Ends

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