• Two beer-related news stories in one day? It must be Memorial Day weekend! I can’t wait to go to work for seven hours and watch people strolling through the door with that look of complete and utter relaxation spread across their ugly faces. I’m not bitter about having to work on major holidays, trust me. So, yeah. Article number one speaks to the fact that in this “economic downturn” the price of brewing beer has risen, but the actual cost of beer has not. I guess that makes booze just about the only thing in this world that is immune to recession. Speaking of which, I was at Gelson’s (not as good as Wegmans) last night and I was suddenly overcome with sadness about not fulfilling my year-long goal of trying five new beers each month. So I bought a six-pack of Sierra Nevada’s Summerfest (meh) and as I was paying for it I realized it’s not June, it’s May, and I already tried seven new beers in the span of two nights at the beginning of the month. No wonder I haven’t felt compelled to hit up the fancy beer 711 lately. Not that you care or anything. Article number two lists, supposedly, the top ten beer names ever. They suck. They actually chose “La Fin Du Monde” , which I find tastes terrible and has a cliche name. They completely forgot “Thirsty Dog Old Leghumper”, “Deschutes The Abyss” (sounds like a Quake level), and “Hoppin Frog BORIS The Crusher”. That’s just three off the top of my head. Maybe I know what top ten list is coming next Friday. [story 1] [story 2]

• “A fit and healthy 23-year-old man nearly died after overdosing on ordinary drinking water after a gym session.” The way the Daily Telegraph phrases that opening line hints that maybe the author didn’t already know that one could overdose on water. Who the hell doesn’t know that over-hydration can lead to serious medical problems? And “ordinary drinking water?” Are they trying to start a panic? All they had to do was objectively report on a story about a man who consumed toxic levels of water, they didn’t have to turn it into STD day in gym class. I can’t wait until the next time I’m watching CNN or FoxNews and I see the upcoming story: “Ordinary Drinking Water: The Silent Killer.” [story]

• Let me just say this: Thank fuck this blog isn’t more popular than it already is. Jesus Christ, what the hell compels people to write all the details of their personal lives on an unimaginably accessible forum like the Internet? I know I frequently write about my daily life here, but there’s still a barrier. I feel like I keep a lot from my audience that is too private to share. People who overshare on the Internet are like plain-Jane high school girls who suddenly decide on Friday night they’re going to drunkenly throw themselves at the captain of the wrestling team just to get their name spoken by everybody on Monday. And also, Phoebe’s right: what is it about East Coast kids that makes them want to be all nostalgic all the time? Is it because the NY/NJ population is filled with ‘boomers who raised self-centered children? I mean, should it really take 8,000 words in a New York Times magazine article to help someone come to terms with the last year or two of your life? And the wealth of useless personal information! By its very nature, this “expose” is itself oversharing. It’s the kind of “meta” article wannabe erudite folks love. And also, what is it about Jewish kids getting moronic tattoos that screams “I’m rebelling against my religious-school-mandated youth and my control-freak parents”? Tone it down, kiddo. You might not cause yourself so many panic attacks if you stepped away from the Facebook or the blog for a minute or two and focused on forming stronger interpersonal relationships. [story]

• Scientists have detailed the impact of “The Big One” should it hit Southern California. I’ll probably die, but at least my shitty blog will live on forever. [story]

• Calling Desmond Hume (that’s a LOST reference for the uninitiated), Humans can “see into the future”. Scientists at Rensselaer suggests that it takes about one-tenth of a second for the brain to perceive what the eye sees, which allows us to perceive future events. I predict this post reaches it’s conclusion really soon. I have to leave for work. [story]

• Finally, somebody else has latched onto my theory that the 2012 Doomsday scenario is utter bullshit. I’ve posted several stories about the ridiculousness of Mayan Calendar enthusiasts who believe that December 21st, 2012 will be the day the world ends. Even some of my closest friends still think that the end of the “Long Count” (the system by which the calendar calculates days and years) will signify the end of Earth. The article talks about myths surrounding 2012 and how Mayan experts continue to debate how exactly the calendar is supposed to work. It’s like I keep saying: Don’t be afraid, the end of the world will never come. [story]

I think there are noxious fumes wafting through my open window, because I’ve suddenly got a raging headache and I feel dizzy. I guess it could also be symptoms of my hangover, but that’s not nearly as sexy a story as my dying from toxic inhalation of “ordinary breathing air”.

Yay! We did it! We came full circle!

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