Dear Yum! Brands & Pizza Hut,

Last evening (Thursday May 29th, 2008) I had a very upsetting experience involving one of your franchise’s locations in Los Angeles, California. I feel it is my responsibility to inform you about what happened, and I will try to do so as objectively as possible. For your consideration:

Allow me to set the scene. A small group of clean-cut, polite, Caucasian twentysomethings have gathered to watch the season finale of their favorite television program (LOST, airs Thursdays at 9:00pm EST – 10:00pm PST on ABC). The consensus opinion regarding food was to order pizza before the show. In the past, everyone has seemed to enjoy the $5 “Pizza Mia” campaign you have been running, so Pizza Hut was determined to be our pizza of choice.

At roughly 7:00pm, I called the nearest Pizza Hut to place my order. There were six pies that needed to be delivered, and the woman who took my order was very polite and understanding. Unfortunately, I made a very small gaffe in my order (one pizza was given an extra topping that was supposed to go on another pizza). Not five minutes after the phone call was placed, I was informed of my error, and quickly called back the restaurant. The same woman answered, and as I raced to have her change the order, our phone call was cut short by cellphone interference. I called back immediately after, and a young man answered the phone. He did not speak English very well. I told him I had an order to change, and he continually spoke to me as if I was placing an order, when I wanted to change an order. I became frustrated, and asked to speak to the woman with whom I had just spoken. He informed me that she had just left. I started to feel like I was being given the runaround, but I again tried to give him my address and phone number while asking him to please look up the order because it needed to be changed. He again tried to take my order, and when I told him that I had already placed and order, but needed to change one, he put me on hold, then came back and said he couldn’t find my order. I sat in stunned silence for a moment, then I told him that I had just charged the dinner to my credit card, and it had to be there. I began to grow upset and impatient, and I asked to speak to the manager. He told me that manager had just left, and then he seemingly lost interest in talking to me. He kept asking, “Hello? Hello?” as if there was phone interference, but I could hear him, had full service on my phone, and was responding in good time. I kept saying “Hello” back to him. He soon hung up.

Feeling like I’d just been purposely disconnected, I again called back, and this time I was told that yes, the order was placed, but no it could not be changed because the pizza was already out the door. I told him that was impossible, and that he needed to check again because he was wrong. Trust me, I’ve been to many a Pizza Hut and Pizza Hut Express — there was no way six pizzas could have been made and out the door in the five minutes between my first phone call and my first attempt to change my order. He told me there was nothing he could do, and I was forced to hang up the phone. After taking a deep breath, I tried calling back one more time in the hopes that somebody else would answer, but he picked up the phone again. I told him I was sorry for calling again, but I simply did not understand how the pizza could be on its way already, and he again asked me to hold on while he checked the order. When he returned, he said that the pizza had not left, but it had now already been cooked, and it was too late to change the order. I asked him, “What am I supposed to do? I tried calling you back three times to change the order before it was made, but you kept screwing around with me, which exacerbated the problem, and now I have to suffer? I’d like to talk to somebody else and change the order, this is unacceptable.” He asked if I wanted to speak to the shift manager. Odd, I was under the impression she had already left, since that’s what he had told me not five minutes ago. He asked me to hold again, and the next voice I heard was a woman’s voice.

This new woman asked what the problem was, and I told her the entire story. She then told me that it was my fault for getting the order wrong, and that there was nothing they could do for me because the pizzas were already cooked. I told her that while the initial error might have been my fault, it was not my fault that her staff was incompetent and prohibited me from changing an order in good time. I asked not to be held accountable when I had made every possible effort to change the order quickly, and her blundering staff member — who had the gall to hang up on me once, prolonging the time it took to change the order — was equally at fault. I told her that I was very disappointed that I had prepaid for the meal and was going to have to accept not one but two incorrectly made pizzas. I said I wasn’t concerned with how long it would take to make new pizzas, but that I would please like to have the order changed and delivered properly. She again told me that just I, and not her staff, was to blame for the problem, and that if I made an error in the original order, everything that happened afterwards was also my fault. I told her I was not going to be held accountable for the idiots she’d hired to take phone orders, for my being purposely disconnected when I showed the slightest bit of frustration, and for being forced into this bind because she was an uncompromising moron whose numerous errors in handling the situation far outweighed my own. I didn’t call her a moron outright, but I sure thought it. In fact, I didn’t call anybody any names the entire time. I’m just illustrating my thoughts at the time. Finally, the woman said she would change the order, and she listened as I dictated the one simple sentence that I had now been trying to spit out for the last twenty minutes: “Remove the onions from the pepperoni and onion pizza and put them on the green pepper pizza”.

Fuck! Should it really have been so God damned complicated?

I don’t know how well or how often Pizza Hut’s high ranking officials check up on the quality of their employees, but I have decided that until I receive some response from your company, I will never, ever order a Pizza Hut pizza again. The way that I was treated last night was a disgrace, and the entire Pizza Hut restaurant chain should be embarrassed and ashamed for the way that the folks operating this branch acted. I am disgusted by the lack of support I received in trying to make a simple amendment to my order, shocked by the fact that I was treated as an inferior and purposely disconnected, and outraged by the lack of business acumen displayed by the shift manager. When the order was finally changed and I could safely hang up my phone for the last time, I could actually feel my blood boiling. I seriously don’t remember the last time I felt that enraged. Really, I’m not even sure what Pizza Hut can do to keep me from boycotting your restaurants.

I’m sure they probably spit in my pizza too, but I’m trying not to entertain such a fucked up notion.

For the record, I would just like to ad that I run my own website, and a copy of this letter has been posted there so that my audience can learn about the mistreatment of Pizza Hut clientele. If you would like to respond, I will gladly publish your response, as I believe the people should be able to hear both sides of the story. Thank you very much for reading this admittedly long-winded letter, and I really look forward to hear from you soon, and hope that this issue can soon be forgotten. I’ve been an ardent supporter of Pizza Hut for as long as I can remember. My earliest memories of ordering pizza as a child was ordering your Triple-Deckeroni pizza. In college, I actually sustained myself for an entire year eating P’zones three nights a week and the same sandwich once a week from a local deli. To think that I am now considering never eating Pizza Hut again is as upsetting as it is unexpected.

Good day.

Regards,
Evan LeVine
evanhlevine@gmail.com
http://blog.swanfungus.com/

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