If every blog had readers like Swan Fungus reader S. Carter, there would be a lot of happy bloggers across the world. For the second time in as many months (I think), I have received a generous donation from Mr. Carter. This time I was the proud recipient of a $25.00 PayPal donation, all of which went directly into the cash register at the 711 in Highland Park, which — for God knows what reason — specializes in rare and hard-to-find beers. Actually, I spent $26.46 there last night, so I guess I should also thank myself for spending that extra dollar and change. I deserved it! I purchased some really good beers: Hair Of The Dog Ruth, Port Brewing 2nd Anniversary Ale, and Ølfabrikken Porter, all of which I will drink right now, at 12:45pm PST. I’ll return to this “Create Post” template once I’m good and drunk.

[nearly three hours later...]

I imagine that most people who receive generous donations from fans (are you a fan, S. Carter? Or do you hate me like all the others; the rationale behind your donation being “Maybe he’ll buy a gun and end it!”) would use their money to spend a nice day outside, maybe at a somewhat-expensive cafe, generally enjoying life. Ah, but this is no ordinary blog, and I will not spend my donation (and my day off from work) doing something lovely and fun in the perfect 70-degree Los Angeles sunshine. Instead, I’m drunk and playing Mario Kart Wii with Nate.

Quick question: How many of you pronounce the name Mario “Mey-rio” and how many of you pronounce it “Mah-rio”? I’m wondering if this is a regional linguistic tendency or something only retarded people (myself included) do.

I’m sitting with a pillow stuffed in the back of my t-shirt to make sitting on this couch even more relaxing. Just…uh…thought I’d throw that out there. Life is…pretty good. How good, you ask?

…

Mario Kart went pretty well. We ran through time trials on all thirty-two levels (minus Mirrored levels) and a few Grand Prix races. I’m getting drunker.

…

Listen, in all honesty [hiccup] … How I’ve blogged today is totally not indicative of how I’m going to blog when (if) you decide to donate a few dollars to my blog. Today was a trainwreck. It was an entirely new trainwreck in a very long series of trainwrecks [hiccup]. I…I don’t know where this is going right now, but I assure you that it will not go this way in the future. I’d go so far as to call Swan Fungus the Seven Second Delay of the blog-o-sphere, but I don’t think anyone would understand the reference.

Hey, maybe tomorrow. Right?

Thank you, S. Carter. Thank you.

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