I was one of the eight million or so computer users who downloaded Firefox 3 this week, and so far I am a bit hesitant to say it is a positive experience upgrading from 2. But, then again, when I first downloaded 2 I absolutely loathed it, and tried in vain to downgrade back to 1.5. When I realized the only archived version of 1.5 I could download was in Russian, I decided to suck it up and learn how to use 2. Now, a few years later, I have to once again suck it up and learn to love everything I dislike about this newest version.

One thing I don’t like: what’s up with the cheesy address bar drop-down menu, complete with favicons, large-print URLs, and page titles. I don’t need that. I just want to see a history of the last ten or twenty pages I navigated to so that I can easily navigate back to them. I’m finding that if I want to go to a page I visit every day, I have to type in the entire URL to get there, whereas before I just had to type in the first letter and then use the down arrow to locate the page I wanted. Sometimes I didn’t even have to type at all, I’d just open the drop-down menu and scroll to it. Easy. Lazy.

But there’s good news for users of Firefox 3, and it is this: we’re all about to lose our jobs. But why, you ask? Because of FireNES, the add-on that allows you to play any Nintendo game ever (well, 2,500 at least) inside your browser window. Say goodbye to productivity, because it’s fucking Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out time, motherfucker! Who cares about sharing good music and telling funny stories when I just mauled Chinese Taipei in a game of Little League Baseball – Championship Series? “If anybody wants to see, there’s a Donkey Kong kill screen coming up.”

In other, non-NES related news, there’s a new genre of pornography that is sweeping through Japan like a cum-enriched tsunami. And it’s elder porn. That’s right, I’m talking about old people. Fucking. Fucking the ever-loving shit out of one another. Coming soon to a DVD near you.

TIME Magazine (TIME MAGAZINE?) reports that “Japan’s booming sex niche is elder porn“. Consider my mind blown. Little known fact: “In surveys conducted by organizations ranging from the World Health Organization to the condom-maker Durex, Japan is repeatedly found to be one of the most sexless societies in the industrialized world.” In fact, only 25% of Japan’s married couples engage in sex once a year. No wonder this is the same culture that has produced vending machines filled with little girls’ panties, and now this. Elder porn.

The captivation of mass audiences is perfectly understandable, according to [shudder] 74-year-old pornstar Shigeo Tokuda, who states “Elderly people don’t identify with school dramas,” he says. “It’s easier for them to relate to older-men-and-daughters-in-law series, so they tend to watch adult videos with older people in them.” Director Gaichi Kono adds, “I think that, as a subject, there is this something that only an older generation has and the young people do not possess. It is because they lived that much more. We should respect them and learn from them.”

I think I’m going to be ill. Maybe I should stop researching elder porn and play a nice, quiet game of — what the fuck!? There’s an old Nintendo game called Baby Boomer? Oh man, this one I’ve gotta play…

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