• You’ve waited a lifetime (or more, if you believe in reincarnation), and now the time has come. The Official Shotgun Rules has been devised by some genius who compiled a list of everything you need to know about how to correctly call “shotgun!” when you want to stake a claim to the front passenger seat of an automobile. The line-of-site myth is explained and evaluated, as well as the notion of “deeds”, indoor vs. outdoor positioning, barefoot vs. shoed, and numerous miscellaneous rules. Basically, it’s all you’ll ever have to read if you want to win Shotgun on every single chance you get. [story]

• The first time I ever felt out of my element while driving cross-country came when I was in Saint Louis. I had been on the road for maybe seven days, and Missouri was (after Louisville), only the second “new” city I was visiting. As I walked through the Delmar Loop, I stopped and stared at a sign on the door of a local eatery that said, “No guns allowed.” At that moment I remembered that everybody trapped in the midwest, south, and mountain west owns guns. Fast forward three years, and today I found an article about a car dealership in Kansas City that offered a free handgun or a $250 gas card with every purchase. “It’s a nice little handgun that fits in your pocket,” the dealer said. Business has been booming since the promotion began, and “Every buyer so far ‘except one guy from Canada and one old guy’ has elected to take the gun.” Wow. Just…wow. [story]

• “Skip the pretzels: starving my fend off jet lag”. Perhaps this is why I have not been jet lagged in several years. I stopped eating. I never eat before I get on a plane (a somewhat-weak stomach compromised by quick ascent/descent makes for uncomfortable feelings). Now researchers say that this could be the best way to keep your body’s internal clock in check when adjusting to new time zones. Now if only those same researchers could find a way to help us adjust to new time zones (as in time travel), that’d be a feat that is actually worth my writing about. Instead, it’s some crap about pretzels and honey roasted peanuts that really doesn’t make a difference to 90% of the population who can handle flying overseas. Here’s an idea: sleep on the plane. It works for me. Take a handful sedatives and just pass out. The in-flight movies always suck anyway. With your luck, you’ll end up with a choice between watching Sex And The City and Love Guru. God, movies suck. [story]

• Once again, CNN.com and Career Builder have teamed up for one of their totally awesome, Swan-Fungus-top-ten inspiring lists. The subject of their latest journalistic abortion? 25 reason why you’re not getting the job. Sounds retarded? That’s because it is retarded. Since when is “only searching for the perfect job” a bad thing? Is it wrong to want a career where you’re going to be happy, and not slaving away and growing to hate yourself and your life? Also, isn’t “Showing up late” to the interview a bit too obvious? Are you sure this list couldn’t have been pared down to about five things?

- You’re not asking your interviewer questions (it proves you’re intelligence and interest in the company)
- Your cover letter and resume look really fucking pedestrian.
- You’ve lied about your accomplishments
- You suck at life.
- You’re better off dead.

That’s the real list of five true reasons that you’re not getting the job. Hire me, CNN. I’ll fix what’s wrong with your network. [story]

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