During my morning Internet routine, I came across an article claiming that the official Tr2n (Tron 2) trailer leaked this morning from Comic-Con in San Diego. More importantly, though, is that no information from the LOST panel has leaked yet. Also, no information from the Watchmen panel has leaked. I’m waiting, nerd. Send me some top-secret news that I could use to break a story. Hey, that’s not so bad. I should call these weekly news posts “News You Can Use”. I’m sure CNN and FOX News would be jealous about my rhyming marketing techniques. I saw the first Tron film, and I thought it sucked. So I can’t say I’m too excited about the update/sequel/whatever it is. I’ll tell you what else I’m not a fan of: movies using numbers in place of letters. What the fuck is this Tr2n bullshit? Why do marketing assholes even try that? It barely even worked the first time, with that movie Se7en. I’m putting a moratorium on movie titles that use numbers in place of letters. It’s asinine.

Does anyone other than me remember the episode of Futurama where Fry learns about global warming? Apparently, Earth’s handsomest politicians came up with a cheap last minute solution to the problem: dropping a giant ice cube (from Halley’s Comet) into one of the Earth’s oceans “every now and then”. In that episode, it is said that the politicians did not stumble onto this solution until 2063 (I think). Right now it’s 2008, and some of Earth’s least-handsome scientists think they have a solution of their own. It’s somewhat similar to that of Futurama, but instead of giant ice cubes the current plan is to “add lime to seawater”. No joke. Adding some lime to the oceans will supposedly help the water absorb CO2 from air and reduce its tendency to release it back again. You heard it hear first, people. We need to find a giant lime, or to make things easier, a large number of slightly overgrown limes. Maybe irradiated limes? I don’t know, I’m not an agriculturalist. [story]

My first long-term girlfriend and I once bonded about how, at times, it felt like our lives were on TV. We were young, and didn’t know that pretty much everyone gets that funny feeling sometimes, like a weird conversation with a stranger has been scripted, or fate conspired to perform a miracle, or an instance of deja-vu seemed a little bit too weird to be true. You know, Truman Show bullshit. Well, little did I know at the time that I was suffering from a mental illness. Psychiatrists from Montreal believe that the signature mental illness found in patients who have grown up during the “YouTube era” is believing that one is the subject of their own Reality TV show. Shit, if that’s the only thing psychologically wrong with me I’ve done pretty well for myself, considering the long, long line of absolute-fucking-psychos in my family tree. [story]

Paul Westerberg, best known as the former singer/songwriter of The Replacements, has released his newest album through his AOL member’s page. You can download the entire album for 49 cents. It’s called 49:00, and you can also download the official cover art from his page. Even though it’s generally agreed upon by geniuses like myself that The Replacements peaked with Tim in 1985, Mr. Westerberg has done an amazing thing by selling his newest album for 49 cents. He’s effectively told the record industry to fuck off. We need more artists like him to grab ahold of their “intellectual property”, cut out the middlemen, and fucking do whatever they want to do with the music. Release it any way they want, keep the entirety of the profit, and enjoy the fact that they are not soulless whores who are too dumb to realize it’s not hard to operate outside of the mainstream. [story]

Here’s one you don’t see too often: Nine British women were arrested in an oral sex competition this week on an island of the coast of Greece. They were charged with prostitution, and their male counterparts were charged with encouraging obscene behavior. Wait a minute — you can be arrested for encouraging obscene behavior? So I shouldn’t be walking the streets of Los Angeles telling all the pretty girls I pass to suck my cock? And I shouldn’t be yelling at the vapid contestants on Reality TV shows to “eat shit?” Those are ways of encouraging “obscene behavior”, so theoretically I’m a felon who is perpetually on the run. Man, it’s only a matter of time before the authorities catch up with me. Maybe it’s not too late to turn back…maybe I can be reformed, and become a contributing member of society. Maybe not everyone I walk past needs to be told to suck my cock. I’m so scared. I don’t know if I can live a life void of hurling suggestive insults at others, but I guess if those insults can be construed as “encouraging obscene behavior,” I have no choice. What’s a man to do? [story]

Apparently the guy who founded Arthur magazine, one of the dumbest magazines I’ve ever laid eyes on, up and moved to Brooklyn because L.A. sucks. And I’m supposed to take the guy who champions utter crap like Devendra Banhart and Lavender Diamond seriously when he speaks about what a cultural black hole Los Angeles is? I mean, this isn’t exactly a “news flash!” worthy announcement. No one comes to LA looking for unique art. So no one should be surprised when, after a while, they realize they haven’t found anything exciting and new and inspiring. Sorry, that’s simply not LA. The most egregious mistake this loon made in leaving LA (no one seemed to notice or care until he felt compelled to make an announcement) was slamming the city and moving to Brooklyn of all places. As a transplanted East Coaster, this gave me quite a chuckle. Because we all know how serious and arty Brooklyn is. All the trust-fund kids making music in Williamsburg are what’s really happening right now. No, you don’t get it. It’s not just about how New York has Vampire Weekend, +/-, The Dirty Projectors, and a slew of band even more atrocious than the three I just named, it’s about everything else. The bars stay open at “reasonable hours”, the public radio is better (then listen to WFMU on the Internet, asshole, it sounds the same as it does on your FM receiver), you don’t have to have a car (that’s a tired excuse), there are parks (wait — there are no parks in LA? HAHAHAHAH!), and it’s overall cheaper. The pizza and the bagels are better, but I don’t know about cheaper. I spent the last five years of my life before I moved to LA partying in New York and I don’t know how cheap it ever was. And I’d much rather have a room in a three-bedroom, three-story apartment at $550 than spend the same amount living in Bensonhurst or Bayridge. Get a fucking clue, asshole. You won’t find what you’re looking for in NY either. Read the comments left about the guy after the interview if you think I’m being harsh. [story]

Now here’s a news story worth reading: there has been a new sighting of Ogopogo in Okangen Lake, British Columbia. Sea monsters rule. You get them in places like Burlington, Vermont (where I went to school) and the Chesapeake Bay, but not Brooklyn. Sorry, Arthur Magazine guy, sea monsters and lake monsters are just another in a long line of hot cultural trend that New York lacks. [story]

There’s a new Area 51. No word yet on whether or not it goes by the name Area 52. And, for the record, it’s out here in Southern California, not in Brooklyn. [story]

Want to own something that once belonged to me? My current eBay auctions are going well!

The first 3 songs posted today were sent to me by Bennett, and they’re taken from a two-disc collection of Italian that is very hard to find entitled Suono Libero. I think you’ll appreciate it. Also, I’m going to be including the full two-disc set (burnt by Bennett) in one of the ‘Thank You’ packages to those who donoated to this website a few weeks ago. Thanks again, Bennett!

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