This one had me in stitches when I first read it. In fact, it was so good, I decided that I couldn’t simply mention it in passing during Saturday’s world news update. Hidden not-so-deeply inside this ABC News indictment of America’s drug problem, there lays a blatant jab at the Baby Boomer generation. And oh, how sweet it is!

Coke and meth use among young adults declined (significantly, even!) last year. The article makes it sound as if kids are still dying for hard drugs, but the demand is just far too great for the supply to meet. Therefore, prices rose and the purity of the drugs was reduced. “About one in five young adults last year acknowledged illicit drug use within the previous month,” which was pretty much unchanged from previous years.

BUT…

“Drug use increased among the 50-59 age group as more baby boomers joined that category. Their past month drug use rose from 4.3 percent in 2006 to 5 percent in 2007.”

And then, this awesome quote from John Walters, director of the White House Office of National Drug Control Policy: “The baby boomers have much higher rates of self-destructive behavior than any parallel age group we have data from.” It may sound ironic, of course, because Baby Boomers are notoriously health conscious (remember, they want to live forever), and have this idea that they’re more worthy of quality health care than everybody else. They watched as their parents and grandparents grew old and became ill, but ‘Boomers decided that since they were the most special generation, they should be provided with top-notch health care all the time so that they never have to experience something as awful as a cold or flu. Baby Boomers hurt the health care system, a lot. And, yet, in spite of their health-conscious attitudes, they’re incredibly self-destructive. They smoke cigarettes, abuse prescriptions, and drink excessively. They dwell on their emotions and choose to escape from uncomfortable situations rather than address any problems. Their time is far too important for such frivolousness.

Naturally, Baby Boomers will never take responsibility for their actions. Most of them will gloss over that statement about the rise in drug use among their generation. They are so naive, most will go to their graves still believing that they are enlightened individuals who had an immense positive impact on society during their lifetimes. After all, Baby Boomers changed things. They invented rock and roll, stopped the war in Vietnam, joined the civil rights movement, and brought women into the workplace! Sure, they also killed the music industry, started the war in Iraq, have run up a huge deficit that will crush future generations, and helped dilute the value of a college education by urging everyone to go to college (and bury themselves under a mountain of debt in the process). Of course, none of that bad stuff is their fault. That Baby Boomers aged and sold everything off is not the problem, it’s that their damned kids can’t get jobs to pay off their $40,000 a year tuition’s! Generations X and Y are to blame for our current economic downturn! ‘Boomer parents scream at their children, “Move out and get a job, you parasites!” They do everything in their power to make us feel like it’s our fault we can’t just graduate, marry, buy a house and start a family like they did. It’s not our fault. It’s their fault. The same folks who created the drug culture — who are still enjoying drugs in increasing numbers — are solely to blame.

Ha! Good luck getting them to admit to it.

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