Loading ...On Sex And Children (Not To Be Confused With Sex With Children, Which Is WRONG!)
By Evan ~ November 6th, 2008. Filed under: rant.
God, what a miserable morning. I had an alarm set for 9:00am so I could race home and shower and get dressed for work. It was only upon entering my apartment and glancing down at my crudely scrawled work schedule for the next ten days that I realized I didn’t have to be at work until 1:00pm. It is now 12:26 and I haven’t showered or changed yet. What a complete waste of a morning. I didn’t even get my blogging done for the day, which means you’re all going to be forced into reading some last-minute drivel that I type while I’m waiting for dinner to finish cooking later tonight. By the way, I don’t know how you people think I operate when it comes to penning blog posts, but in reality I rarely devote much time to it. Even the zaniest of top tens can be written in ten or fifteen minutes. Last night I actually spent 30 minutes writing and editing that Bono rant, because there were so many poorly-formed sentences and half-thoughts that I couldn’t possibly just click “Publish” and feel satisfied with myself. It’s just that fucking Bono works me up into such a fucking rage that I’m barely capable of typing a complete sentence. I’m sorry.
Nevermind, I’m just going to plow ahead and finish this in the next six minutes, so that I can still have a few moments to stop at the store and grab a sodey pop on my way into work. How, you ask? Well, first you read this article that was published by Mail Online this morning, and then I’ll make some jokes about it. The author, Ulrika Jonsson (could she be any more Scandinavian?) is upset that her smoking hot, blonde-haired, blue-eyed eight year old daughter was invited to a “makeover party” last week. Ms. Jonsson (I’ll assume she’s either divorced or a single parent because she’s too smart to be locked-down by some goofy Aryan nerd) thinks that society sexualizes children way too early these days, and I could not agree more. I’m no Red State traditional values moralist or anything, but it doesn’t take a fucking genius to flip through some television channels and notice that sex is being marketed to fucking grade schoolers. On an episode of “The Pick-Up Artist 2″ last night, contestants were made to feel bad that they hadn’t lost their virginity by the age of 18. And, even though uber-douche “Mystery” told his pupils that he didn’t first taste the sweet, sweet nectar of super-fine pussy until the age of 21, the underlying message sent to audience members was still, “if you’re not fucking everything that moves from the time you notice you’ve got a dick, you’re doomed!” God forbid you end up like the socially-awkward 29-year-old virgin on the show, because if you haven’t lost it by then you might as well just buy a gun and blow your goddamned brains out.
And that’s just a TV show about loser guys trying to get with women. Can you imagine how women must feel whenever they watch their stories on the teevee? I mean, they’re all nuts to begin with, but just think about how they must feel when they see tramps on reality dating programs subjecting themselves to competing against disease-ridden skanks for the hearts of has-beens and never-weres. It’s disgusting. I can’t respect anybody who watches that filth, not only because it’s more mind-numbing than any opiate I’ve ever taken, but because it reinforces some of the worst human behaviors imaginable.
Now pretend you’re a member of the “tween” demographic, and all your information about responsibility and acceptable conduct is learned from watching “The Real World” or “TMZ”. Even if a parent watches network news shows with their kids, it is impossible to escape the barrage of sexualized imagery and retarded celebrity sex gossip bullshit. So, even though I think Ulrika Jonsson is a super-fag for complaining about her child and her child’s friends wanting to act and look like grown-ups and do grown-up things like blow each other and do anal, she’s got a point. The problem is, she’s blaming society instead of blaming herself for turning off the damned television and making her child read a fucking book, or something. The simple answer might appear to be, “Take Gossip Girl off the air because all it does is show 15-year-olds fucking each other and doing incredibly stupid, depraved crap,” but isn’t it easier to just turn off the television and tell your kid to play with dolls or play a sport or something? I mean, I wasn’t allowed to watch TV as a child and I turned out pretty normal, right? RIGHT?
Okay, whatever. I called an eight-year-old girl “smoking hot” a few paragraphs ago. So what? I’m still more normal than most of the population.
