Researchers from Oxford have compiled a list of the ten most annoying phrases in the English language. Unfortunately its missing some key phrases, including what I believe to be the most annoying phrase ever. I may not be Oxford material (hell, I wasn’t even NYU material), but I know they’re missing some key phrases. I don’t care what their stupid database of “linguistic mangling and overused buzzwords” contains. I can do this shit better than they can. Just watch!

3. “In my honest opinion” – God, what a pretentious thing to say. People who begin sentences with this phrase are assholes who probably have severe superiority complexes. They actually believe that by feigning “honesty”, the person they’re speaking with will completely forget about how the next words out of their mouth are going to insult them. Unfortunately, most people who hear these words uttered during conversation don’t understand that, because they’re stupid. “In my honest opinion,” people who use this phrase are jackasses who are in love with the sound of their voice, so they add these words to the beginning of sentences just to hear themselves emit a few extra syllables. You know, saying, “In my honest opinion, the French are fags” is even less convincing than saying, “The french are fags.” Using that phrase actually hurts your argument. Quit speaking like a fancypants and start speaking from the heart.

2. “Whatever” – The ultimate dismissal? More like the ultimate douchebag expression. A person who cannot handle themselves in an argument, a person who cannot defend a position they’ve taken, a person who cannot engage in educated discourse — these are the types of idiots that say “Whatever” and then walk away from a conversation or ask to change the subject. Hearing someone utter “Whatever” is akin to hearing fingernails on a chalkboard.

1.5. “No offense” – This phrase is always followed by the word “but” and then something that is totally offensive. It’s like the oral equivalent of a tailbone. It doesn’t actually do anything, it just sits at the beginning of a thought and does nothing. Much like my not using the phrase “In my honest opinion,” I say, screw political correctness. Say what you want without worrying about what the other person things. You know, you are human. You are entitled to speak your mind. You don’t have to sugarcoat everything just to make somebody else feel less bad about being a retard or a moron. Just fucking say it. No offense, but if you don’t, you’re probably a jackass.

01. “My bad” – The worst. The absolute worst, most inane expression. What the fuck does that even mean, “My bad”? The Internet offers many possible answers to the origins of “My bad.” Depending on who you ask, the originator was either Manute Bol or Alicia Silverstone’s character in Clueless. Look, it doesn’t matter who started it. I’m more concerned with you and I ending it. Let’s please beat the living shit out anyone who says “My bad,” and hopefully our negative reinforcement (take that, BF Skinner!) will compel people to stop using THE MOST ANNOYING PHRASE IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

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