This guy embodies how I feel all the time…

If any of you actually pay attention to my self-centered ramblings, you might remember my 105/1001 list, which I post at the beginning of 2008. I’m challenging myself to reach at least 105 goals in 1,001 days. One of the goals I set for myself was to go an entire week without spending a penny. I even considered pitching the idea to some magazines. In times of economic uncertainty, people love to reading about ways to go an entire week without spending a single penny. Granted, most of them have real jobs and real budgets…but I still think it was a novel idea.

Unfortunately, CNN syndicated an article last week from Real Simple magazine in which some gunt nosher went a week without spending any money. He called it The Agony Of Seven Days Without Spending. In his article, author Steve Almond describes the frustrations of being cheap for a week, and totally cheats by telling people he’ll pay them back once he’s made it to the finish line. Personally, I think that’s a complete waste of a good idea. Any one of us could last seven days without spending as long as we could rely on our friends and loved ones to pay for us if we’re intent on paying them back once we’ve reached our goal. I decided that immediately upon finishing the article I was going to start my week without spending. I was going to show this Steve Almond character how a real man accomplishes this feat of financial strength.

I took only two precautions before officially starting my week without spending. I went to Trader Joe’s to make sure I had enough bagels and soda to last me seven days, and I filled up my car with gas. I was sitting at less than a quarter tank at the time, which would take an act of God to not waste in two days commuting to-and-from work.

That said, here’s my week-long journal.

Thursday:

I was off from work, so I slept-in until 10:00am. I showered, dressed, and made my way to Trader Joe’s, where I purchased bagels, a bag of chips, some tortilla chips, a loaf of bread, and two frozen dinners. On the way home, I swung by Ralph’s for a 12-case of Coke. Then I topped off my gas tank and went home to blog, or whatever it is I do when I’m sitting at home staring at the computer screen for hours and hours and hours. It was shortly after 12:00pm, so that marked the official start of my week. Dinner Thursday night was at Nicci’s. I don’t remember what we had, which is really embarrassing because she probably prepared something special and now I can’t remember what it was. Afterwards, we went to Stinkers for her co-worker’s birthday celebration. She bought me a pint of Bare Knuckle stout (which was horrible! Thanks a lot, Anheuser-Busch!). Stinkers is a trucker bar, but it’s got that ironic hipster clientele that wants to pretend they’re at a trucker bar without leaving the relative safety of Echo Park/Silverlake. We stayed for one drink and then departed.

Friday:

I awoke at 9:15am and showered before work. Breakfast was a bagel with peanut butter. I wound up having to work a full day Friday (11-7:30) so all I had to eat was a breakfast bar and a bottle of water, which I’d originally intended on just being a snack. The extra hours were excruciating. When I returned to my apartment, I consumed some pinwheels (basically a turkey wrap with barbecue sauce cut into pieces) and three slices of toast with butter. Earlier that day, Ilya had stopped by to hang out with Sali and he took a can of Coke from my pantry. Unfortunately, he didn’t know I had perfectly regimented my soda intake. Sali figured that leaving me seventy-five cents would make up for the soda, but since I couldn’t use it I let it sit on the countertop in the kitchen. Later that night Ilya paid me back by offering me a birch beer from his fridge, but I was still a little miffed about the fact that I was going to have to go an entire day without a can of Coke at some point during the seven days. Nicci had purchased tickets to see Twilight several weeks ago, so it was not a typical date night where I was expected to buy movie tickets. At the theater, Nicci also paid for a pint of Newscastle (which I didn’t want, but everybody else was drinking so I didn’t want to look like a square). She purchased a bottle of water, popcorn and some candies for the movie, which I also didn’t really want, but consumed anyway.

Saturday:

I awoke at 9:30am after precious little sleep. That Twilight movie wasn’t only horrible, it also ran long. Breakfast was a bagel with peanut butter and a bottle of water. My snack at work was a breakfast bar and a cup of yogurt. At some point Kasi reminded me that she owed me five dollars, so she offered to buy me a can of soda from the coffee shop across the street. In my mind, that made up for the can Ilya took, and although technically my money was spent on the soda, it wasn’t really me spending money. It was Kasi deducting from the tab she thought I was keeping for her. I had totally forgotten about the owed money. Dinner that night was Indian fare with naan (I had the Indian fare at my apartment, Nicci stopped to purchase the naan on her way home from work). We also split a small chicken cesar wrap that was sitting in my fridge.

Sunday:

Again I awoke at 9:30am and consumed a breakfast of bagel with peanut butter and bottled water before work. My lunch that day was a breakfast bar, a cup of yogurt and a soda. Dinner was a mixture of lobster raviolis (which I provided) and leftover pasta of Nicci’s. Free entertainment for the evening was Tropic Thunder, which I borrowed from the store at no coast. After the movie Nicci went to sleep and I watched the boys play poker next door. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) buy-in because I didn’t bring any money (and I’m not as skilled at poker as they are).

I forgot to mention that as soon as I returned home from Trader Joe’s on Thursday I took all the money and change out of my pockets and put it on the shelf in my bedroom. I only carried my ID, health insurance, AAA card and my debit card for the entire week. I carried the debit card so that I would have it in case of an emergency, but as you will soon read, none occurred. The toughest part of my day was when I found a copy of the Scott Walker record Tilt at work, but could not buy it. Luckily, employee holds are available for a duration of time lasting from one paycheck to the next, so by putting it aside I was a) not in breach of any rules at work, and b) not in breach of any rules regarding this challenge. Putting an item aside at one’s place of employment with the intent to buy it later anyway is, in my opinion, not nearly the same as Mr. Almond offering to pay somebody back next week for an object he wants but does not need. Furthermore, I usually hold items for longer than the two-week holding period, so if anything putting another album aside would force me to pay for whatever else I’d already put on hold.

Monday:

Awaken at 9:30am, eat a bagel and the last of my peanut butter. That means bagels and butter or buttered toast for the rest of the week. Too bad, peanut butter tastes better on a bagel than butter. I went to work with a bag of Trader Joe’s barbecue chips, a can of soda and a bottle of water. An original copy of the first Dead Meadow album came into the store last month, and of course it was priced and made available today. I couldn’t buy it. I thought about telling my boss all about my personal spending freeze, but I decided to risk it and hope that the album is still there after Thanksgiving. Dinner was chips and salsa, and a frozen dinner. With just three days to go, I was feeling very confident. I just had to make it through an 11-7:30pm day at work on Tuesday. My off days are Wednesday/Thursday, so those are the two easiest days to lock myself in my room and not eat or go anywhere or do anything at all, really.

Tuesday:

Awakened at 9:01am and ate a bagel with butter. I washed it down with a can of Coke. Then I remembered about the unexpected 11:00am – 7:30pm shift I was working, and became nervous about the a mandatory 30-minute lunch break one must take when working from open to close. None of the remaining food in my house was microwavable. What the hell was I going to do? I was down to two cans of soda, and definitely needed at least one more to get me through the long workday. Could I last all of Wednesday and Thursday with only one can of cola? There was food and snacks enough to last…but…Evan need soda! Evan need soda bad! That one missing can of Coke was really starting to irk me. A long day at work included a bottle of water, some chips and salsa, and a 4:30pm “lunch” of veggie samosas with Cholula! They tasted horrible when nuked, but since there is no oven at work and I desperately needed food, it was the best I could do. Sadly, I left my precious bottle of cholula at work. What a moron I am. God dammit. Everybody in the world loves Cholula, there was no way it would still be there on Friday (my next shift). That night I played LIFE with Nicci, Pat, Nate, Tom and Thesy. It was the worst game ever. It also took the longest. Nate gifted everybody a Reese’s candy and gave me a 20oz. bottle of Coke as a bonus gift. How clutch! Thanks, Nate!

Wednesday:

I took a sleeping pill at 3:00am and hoped for a full night of sleep. I slept rather soundly, and awoke at 9:00am to the sound of my phone buzzing. I thought about answering it, and instead fell back asleep. I awoke thirty minutes later to the buzzing sound again. This time I picked it up. Brunch at 11:00am at Toast in West Hollywood with Corey and his mother. I had a “scramblette” with ham, cheese, onions, tomatoes and peppers. It came with a side of potatoes and a sesame bagel. I had three refills on my Coke. Corey’s mom paid for everything and even bought me two red velvet cupcakes to take home with me. There was absolutely no way I could lose now. You don’t argue with a friend’s mother when she offers to pay for a big meal. I brought a cupcake to Nicci at work and ate the other upon returning to my apartment. I stayed home and blogged and listened to records for the rest of the day, never once growing hungry or thirsty. I began to think that I was capable of lasting at least another day or two after Thursday if I wanted to, and who knows, maybe I could. I did not eat dinner Wednesday night, I just had two pieces of toast with butter and a bottle of water. Total coast? $0. Duh. You think I’d come this close to the end and then blow it on food? Yeah, right…

Thursday:

My final bagel was consumed at breakfast, topped with sith Smart Balance butter. I ran out of peanut butter a few days ago. There was one can of soda and one bottle of water left to last me until Thanksgiving dinner (my imposed finish line, even though I really only had to last until noon). I again seriously consider going until Saturday morning. I might try it, too. Unless, of course, the girlfriend makes me take her out to dinner Friday night. Thanksgiving dinner was held at Nick & Stef’s Steakhouse at 5:30pm. I talked to Sali about whether or not I should bring my girlfriend’s mother flowers, since she’s paying for dinner (or so I hoped). The two of us decide that I should show up to dinner empty-handed and tell her, “I was going to bring you flowers, but the timing is just not right.” I don’t think anybody would appreciate the gesture. The last thing I need is my girlfriend’s family cursing me whenever they see. It would make for a really awkward encounter, which might make it kind of amazing and surreal. In the end, I show up empty-handed and say nothing. Dinner was good. Louise drove, and validated parking meant there was no fee. Afterwards I went to Nick and Lauren’s vegan Thanksgiving party and drank a couple beers and a few glasses of soda. Fawn and Brian asked if I wanted to go bowling and drinking with them tomorrow night, and I consented. Then I realized that there was no way I could last until Saturday. I had no more food left and I’d made plans for the next night. So, I returned home and went to sleep wondering if I could last another day.

Friday:

Nope! I awoke this morning and instantly craved a bagel. At 10:45am, I walked into Ralph’s and purchased a 20oz. bottle of Coke, a liter of bottled water, and a plain bagel. It cost $3.87, and it marked the first pennies I’d spent in 190 hours and 45 minutes. It felt good. Whether or not I could have gone longer without spending money would have hinged on my ability to go an entire day without any caffeine. Plus I would have had to cancel my plans with Fawn and Brian, and if there’s anything I hate more than spending money it’s breaking plans with people. I always feel like such an asshole.

I lasted a week. I lasted more than a week. I showed Steven Almond of Real Simple magazine that you can’t just promise to pay people back and actually arrive at a goal seven days later feeling like you accomplished something. You have to plan really well and go about your routine without constantly thinking about how you’re going to survive. Going to the movies, going out to a bar, and going out for a formal meal are usually three very easy ways to drop a lot of dough, but I was lucky enough to have fate on my side. I didn’t feel like I cheated in any way, and if I did feel that way I would not be ashamed to say it. I would still have almost 700 days to try again. Nevertheless, I lasted seven days without spending a single cent and I feel quite proud of myself. The most impressive part of this ordeal was checking my bank account this morning and seeing how much money I had. Not only will I easily cover my rent this month, but I maybe even have enough for a celebratory upscale meal this week!

I am such a cheap bastard.

Acetone – For A Few Dollars More
Howlin’ Wolf – Work For Your Money
Flipper – Life Is Cheap
Swans – Money Is Flesh
Roaring Lion – Money, Money
Scott Walker – The Cockfighter

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