Loading ...Contest Update, Billy Corgan, Joblessness, Scientists, NJ Mayors, Michael Ian Black, And Robots
By Evan ~ December 22nd, 2008. Filed under: world news.
Hey people! You have until tonight at Midnight (12:00am PST Tuesday) to enter the 1st Annual Swan Fungus Holiday Contest™! Remember, all you have to do to enter is draw a picture of me and caption it! It can be a drawing by hand, an MS Paint drawing, or even a collage! The winner gets a fully-autographed Jesus Lizard concert poster! You can see the poster and find out more about the contact by visiting that link! Holy shit!
• In case you missed Saturday’s anti-Billy Corgan rant, I’ve taken the liberty of locating all past references to Billy Corgan on this website and including them in one easy-to-use list:
- “Pumpkins” Sue Label, World Laughs In Wry Amusement
- Despite All My Rage I’m Still Just A Bald Guy Trying To Prove My Relevance
- The Week In (Weak) Indie-Rock
• The holidays aren’t always chipper. Especially if you’re jobless. That’s why CNN and CareerBuilder have teamed up to craft a list of ways to make the most of being jobless! They make everything sound so simple. If you can’t find a job, just create one. Oh, of course, how could a depressed, unemployed person forget about that! It’s so easy to just create a job out of thin air. I mean, without any income, it’s probably really easy to paint an entire house or install new floors. That makes a fuck-ton of sense. “Re-invent yourself” sounds like a hoot. I’m sure it’s really constructive for unemployed people with fragile minds to force themselves into an existential crisis at a time in their life when they can barely keep it together. This is the shittiest, most condescending article CNN and CareerBuilder have ever published. Fuck ‘em. [story]
• Scientists exploring an ancient tomb that was sealed more than 400 years ago have uncovered…a 100-year-old Swiss watch? I guess the simple conclusion would be, “they weren’t uncovering anything that wasn’t already uncovered less than 100 years ago,” but…you know scientists…they’re always trying to explain things away in the most complicated ways possible. I think they enjoy using their intellect to make people feel inferior. Like, I can sit here and say “What’s to investigate? You weren’t the first person to unseal the tomb!” But they’ll say something smart and Harvard-like, and then I’ll feel like a fucking moron and second guess myself, even though I’m clearly right. It’s like when I used to call my father for directions somewhere and, instead of saying he didn’t know the directions, he’d just give me directions that would get me lost and then claim it was my fault. [story]
• The major of Jersey City released a CD of Christmas Songs. On a related note, Jack, Ilya, Ken, Z and I recorded a CDs worth of stoned slow music in Jersey City a few years ago! Most of it wound up in episodes of The Best Podcast You Have, but others didn’t! (Because they sucked) story]
• The Michael Ian Blacklash is heating up! Apparently he was banned from Facebook recently for undisclosed reasons. Naturally, the attention-starved formerly funny man took to the Internet to strike back at, uh, the social networking site. Yeah, I guess he has a lot of free time on his hands, too. Of course he used that annoyingly shticky comedic tone of his throughout the letter, which I cannot stand. You know the one — it’s him trying to stress something that isn’t funny until it becomes funny? Yeah, it never becomes funny.
• An increase in robots “could lead to lack of human contact,” some experts argue. Well, of course it will. Futurama already explored this avenue in the episode where Fry downloads the likeness of Lucy Liu into a robot and decides to spend all his time making out with her. Then Professor Farnsworth shows him the “Don’t Date Robots” public service announcement, and Fry just keeps on making out with his Lucy Liu robot. We’ve heard all about how robots are going to make humans anti-social. Last October I even wrote about an article where a guy predicted that Massachusetts would be the first state to legalize human-robot marriages (in 2050! We’re only 41 years away!). In other news…this is not news. [story]
Now finish those drawings of me!
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:08 am
Yeah, my father’s directions tend to get me lost too. He assumes that everyone has his sense of orientation and a photographic memory.