You’ve been hearing about this holiday giveaway all week. Well, now is the time to vote for which “drawing” (I have to use the term loosely because there were so few entries — thanks a lot, assholes) you like the best. I’m pretty sure it’s going to come down to two possible wieners, but my vote counts just as much as yours, so we’ll see what happens. Remember: the “drawing” (ugh) with the most votes wins a fully autographed Jesus Lizard concert poster. The vote will end tomorrow at 5:00pm, and the winner (which will be obvious if you choose to count the votes) will be announced in a special Christmas Day ceremonial blog post. As for me, I’m going to spend the next two days relaxing as hard as I can. Regular blog posts will return on the evening of Friday the 26th with the epic Top 100 Albums of 2008 list.

How to vote: Simply leave a comment at the bottom of this post with your choice for the winner.

THE BALLOT

#1 – Mike from CT – His caption, I think, is clear enough for you to see. At least he took a few minutes to do something, unlike the dozens of you who promised to draw things and wound up doing nothing.

#2 – Chad from WA – First of all, that looks nothing like me. Second of all, if you’re going to waste ten minutes of your life making a fucking anime cartoon of me, can’t you put that same ten minutes to use drawing something original? Who cares if it sucks, it still might win. This thing shows no effort. The caption he emailed me was “Stylin’…Profilin’…” whatever that means. Way to totally emasculate me, guy.

#3 – Dan from NY – Perhaps the most artistically inclined member of my audience, Dan has gone and drawn the complete antithesis of what I had hoped for when I decided to make this contest. All week, I prayed for drawings of me leading armies of panzer tanks across bloody battlefields, or drawings of me saluting some sort of Swan Fungus flag, but instead I got this drawing of a horse-faced, slack-jawed yokel with a caption that makes me feel like the biggest loser in the entire universe. That said, this one will probably win.

#4 – John from PA – John wrote to say that his two kids (ages 8 and 5) were fighting one day, so he made them spend an hour drawing/watercoloring my visage. It’s quite adorable, as all children are, so I guess John is playing for the sympathy vote. He did not include a caption, but I’m going to go ahead and caption it, “Andy Warhol’s Campbell’s Soup Cans Eat Shit,” because it fits perfectly juxtaposed to the artwork of two adolescent children.

#5 – Kate from Canada – This nice drawing I guess is supposed to symbolize the fact that I my loud-mouthed geek blogger identity has led to my being completely alienated from the rest of the Internet. The caption was, “What is the sound of one hand clapping.” Ouch.

#6 – Louise from Denmark – This lovely collage again references my brash, loud mouthed personality. The caption, according to her email, is my neck tattoo (see: the symbols below my lower lip). I think they’re supposed to be a butt and a polar bear, which is a reference to my signature. Apparently when I sign my name it looks like a penis, a butt and a polar bear. Get it? No? Fine, moving on…

#7 – Melissa from Boston – Either I’m a big porous penis who has diarrhea of the mouth, or I have a black penis that shoots black semen. Either way, this one is pretty self-explanitory. The caption was “Happy Chanukah, Jerk Face”.

#7 – Anonymous – That’s nice, what is that, me leaving Earth’s orbit in a rocket ship? What is that supposed to mean, I should fuck off and die? Fine, asshole. Thanks for at least showing more effort than the stupid anime guy. (This one was mailed without a caption)

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