Loading ...A Kid Named Hitler, The End Of America, More Sex, Thinking Too Much, Future Predictions, Quake Swarms & More
By Evan ~ January 3rd, 2009. Filed under: world news.
The only thing worse than receiving a death threat for having a child named Hitler must be receiving a death threat for haven’t a child someone only thinks is named Hitler. A family in Holland Township, New Jersey received a typed, unsigned letter stating, “you will all end up like your Nazi friends: dead.” Unfortunately, the person who sent them the note was looking for a different family with the same surname. The family who mistakenly received the note has a daughter named Heather, not Hitler! Plus, the famous couple who wanted a birthday cake inscribed to their son Hitler lives in Pennsylvania, not New Jersey. People can be so foolish sometimes. [story]
All this economic doom and gloom can wear pretty hard on the soul of a typical American worker. So you can imagine how upset people are by a famous Russian professor who has predicted the end of the United States will come in 2010 (my apologies to all you 2012 believers — you were so close!). Igor Panarin believes that the country will be separated into four different republics that will fall under the control of other nations. For example, The California Republic (CA, HI, NV, AZ, UT, ID, OR, WA) will be part of China. The Central North-American Republic (MT, ND, MN, WY, CO, KS, NE, SD, IA, MO, IL, IN, OH, MI) will be part of Canada. The Texas Republic (NM, TX, OK, AR, LA, MS, AL, GA, FL) will be part of Mexico (that’s funny, why won’t Los Angeles fall under Mexican influence — some would say it’s already part of Mexico). Atlantic America (the Northeast plus the Virginias, Carolinas, Tennessee and Kentucky) “may join the European Union”. So, I guess what I’m saying is, enjoy the next year or two, because after that you’ll probably be saluting a Chinese or Mexican or Canadian flag. Suckers! [story]
Yesterday I declared that your frivolous resolution to “have more sex” in 2009 would never come true. Then I found this article with a headline that reads, “Futurists tip we’ll all be enjoying more sex in 2009″. Apparently women’s growing economic power (yeah right, like women have any power) will afford them more choices, like the choice to have more sex. Whatever, as long as women think they have some level of power or control over me, I’m satisfied. I know the truth. Women have about as much power as the bagel I just devoured, or the door I just opened and walked through. If people have more sex in 2009 than in years past, it will be because I gave them permission to. [story]
I don’t know about you, but I think ever front yard and every garden in America needs a $2,700.00 statue of a little boy plowing a little girl in the ass. Add it into your $1 trillion dollar economic recovery plan, Obama! [story]
It seems like just yesterday my Malibu Stacy doll told me, “Too much thinking gives you wrinkles.” She wasn’t entirely truthful when making that statement, but it turns out too much thinking can make you fat! Researchers testing spontaneous food intake of fourteen students found that the stress of heavy thinking caused overeating! You hear that, women? Don’t think too much! It makes you fat, and then no man of value will want at your little wormhole anymore! [story]
Futuristic predictions made by forward-thinking scientists like Ian Wilmut (who cloned Dolly the sheep) and offbeat thinkers like Alan Alda (who…um…was in Canadian Bacon?) include “the evolution of new human species” (put forth by Juan Enriquez, CEO of Biotechonomy and some Harvard douche), “radiotelepathy” (put forth by Freeman Dyson, physicist) and Alan Alda thinks we’re all violent people who will never learn to live with one another. Way to think, Mr. Bright Future! Your wife must really love being married to a boring old cynic. [story]
Here’s a list of the top ten things that won’t survive the recession. I like the idea of everyone sharing the cost of public Wi-Fi, but I’m not so sure satellite radio is going to fail. I could care less about some of the other items on this list. [story]
Quake swarm…Yellowstone…supervolcano…you know the drill. Panic! [story]
Vetiver – Hurry On Sundown [Hawkwind]
Mogwai – Stanley Kubrick
The Jesus Lizard – Good Thing
T. Rex – One Inch Rock
January 3rd, 2009 at 2:40 pm
i personally think bagels have you on a tight leash.
January 4th, 2009 at 1:06 am
Although Professor Panarin seems to know little or nothing about regional
differences in American society, politics and economics, he does have a
point. When the resources I’ve provided (enclosed below) are approached from a
’synthetic’ point of view, the conclusions are difficult to avoid or to
openly dismiss. All of these works lead to the same general conclusion. A
very similar conclusion as posed by Professor Panarin.
The resources I’ve provided are by credible people, professionals,
educators… For example, Joseph M. Miller retired as a board member of the
Chicago Mercantile Exchange. One of his associates is a physicist who worked
for Control Data Corporation. The other, Marion Butler, has a background as a
CFO. Niall Ferguson holds a Chair in the history department at Harvard.
Pranab Bardhan is a professor of economics at Berkley. Carmen M. Reinhart is
a professor of economics at the University of Maryland. Most of the other
resources (enclosed below) were prepared by people with similar backgrounds.
Individually and as a group, their work appears to lead to the same general
conclusion. It is a very similar conclusion to the one found in Professor
Panarin’s paper.
Where I have profound disagreements with Panarin’s paper is the manner in
which he divides the US. (I have other problems with his paper, but that one
is like a sore thumb.) For example, Alaska will more probably fall under
Japanese, Chinese and even Canadian economic influence instead of solely under
Russian influence. Russia does provide oil to that region of the earth, but
Alaska has it’s own oil. Russia’s refining capacity is nothing to write home
about, either. Japan and China have monstrous shipping industries and possess
solid manufacturing and tech industries while Alaska has no dearth of raw
resources. These are raw materials that both countries desperately need.
Under the scenario espoused by Panarin, Russia has no pressing economic need
of those same raw resources.
Panarin’s paper seems to be founded upon a Russian nationalist – almost a
purely ideological – component, while ignoring real world economics. He also
completely ignores present, real world, geo-political considerations and
their impact on the Western Hemisphere. Panarin had some of the right data,
and somehow reached something approaching the right conclusion…but most of
his assumptions are suspect. That said, his conclusions are very similar to
those of quite a number of very credible people.
One question for you: How do you lead a pig? Answer: You smack it on the nose
and it will follow you exactly where you want it to go. Another answer: You
tie a string around one of its rear legs and pull in the opposite direction
from the one that you want it to go. That’s what Profesor Panarin has done
with Westerners in his paper. Meanwhile, he has promoted Russian nationalism
and Putin’s regime and improved the morale of its citizens in the same paper.
That’s not even an overview of what his paper has accomplished. Remember:
He’s an expert in infowar.
s.
January 4th, 2009 at 8:15 am
Bagels are very bad for your teeth, I’ve heard from a dental professional or two. They make your teeth do too much work, or something.