• Podcast Jack, who has issued a statement that the newest episode of The Best Podcast You Have is available to view on YouTube. VOD 6 is the latest installment, and you should all revel in its weirdness. Also, Jack mentioned that he laughed at the story about the immigrant from Ecuador who was dragged 20 miles on NYC roads after being hit by a car. “Imagine driving it,” Jack said. I can’t possibly imagine driving a body around for twenty miles without noticing — that’s the first thing that comes to mind. I mean, in most cars you can really feel the road as you’re moving on it, and you can always tell when you hit something (whether it’s already dead or not), can’t you? So how could you not tell that you’re dragging a human body (which weighs a ton more than, say, a raccoon) for twenty miles! I don’t know Jack, what do you think? [story]

• Lawyer Ian claims that this could be the first instance in which he’s seen the phrase “full-blown AIDS” used in a legal document. Ex-New York Met second basemen Roberto Alomar, who is mostly remembered by Mets fans for being one of the worst free agent signings in the history of the club (well, maybe second to Mo Vaughn?) has been accused by a former girlfriend of giving her AIDS through his insistence on having unprotected sex. The girlfriend said she lived with Alomar for three years and watched as his health deteriorated. She claims doctors continually advised him to get tested, but he did not. When he finally did get tested, the results showed he was HIV-postive, and nine days later “Alomar’s skin had turned purple, he was foaming at the mouth and a spinal tap “showed he had full-blown AIDS,” the suit says.” So there you have it. The lawsuit includes the phrase “full-blown AIDS”. If he’s been HIV-positive for a while, maybe this could explain his godawful years as a New York Met. How the hell does a career .300 hitter go from hitting .336 in 2001 to hitting .266 in 2002!? My guess? Full-blown AIDS. [story]

• CNN and CareerBuilder have probably made a ton of money off my blog linking to their stupid stories every week, but I like to think that it pains them just a little bit to see their writers being called to task every seven days due to their complete lack of intelligence. Anyway, the new article is called, “Help! I hate my co-workers,” and it’s about — you guessed it — trying to be a team player when you despise somebody that you work with. I’ve never really dealt with this issue, because all the places I’ve ever worked have been really good to me, except for a company called InfoCurators, which stiffed me out of more than $1,500 shortly after moved to LA. For almost a year I saved the voicemail from my boss Kevin where he does his best to convince me that his intentions were noble. “As soon as we get another contract I can pay you.” I would call to check in every month, and after a while he just stopped returning my calls. I had a lawyer draft a letter threatening to sue him for the , but I didn’t send it because, well, I don’t know why. I wish I’d sent that letter. He’s lower than the scum of the Earth as far as I’m concerned. Anyway, I don’t hate any of my current co-workers (just some of the customers), but maybe you do, so here’s a link to another poorly written article you can enjoy. [story]

• The Times Online (UK) has a list of fourteen alternative ideas for Valentine’s Day, which includes “A tree,” “A personalized machete,” and a “Chocolate corset.” If you want to be really creative with your Valentine’s Day gifts, allow me to impart one more piece of advice: Nothing says Valentine’s Day like Monster Truck Rally. [story]

• Ilya showed me an article last night with a headline that read, “Feeding, nappies… and Playstation”. He claimed it was about a 13-year-old boy and a 15-year-old girl who had a child. I thought it was from the Onion at first (look at that picture!), but I later realized (after seeing a similar headline on Fark) that it was real. Holy shit! When I was 13 I was just hoping to see a vagina. Impregnating a chick couldn’t have been further from my mind. This is entirely fucked up. It might be as fucked up as a 33-year-old Welfare Queen having fourteen children without even being married. I don’t know, what do you think? Is it worse for a 13-year-old and a 15-year-old to have a child, or is it worse for a woman who has been living off the government for a decade to give birth to eight children? You decide.

• Last, but certainly not least, I think it is worth noting that there are only four Swan Fungus Offical Prototype T-shirts left to be purchased. Just over a week ago, I introduced you to the shirts with the blog post “So You Want To Wear Your Favorite Blogger’s Face”, and now supplies are running dreadfully low. All that remains are three size Medium shirts and one size Small shirt. So, I guess if there are any ladies reading this, or hipster-skinny dudes, now would be the time to buy. The cost for a shirt is $7 plus shipping ($1.85). To purchase, send me an e-mail stating size preference, and if your desired size is still available I’ll tell you how to make payment. Easy as sex with a drunken prom queen, right!? Good!

Matinee Orchestra – Run For Cover (It’s Going To Rain)
The Lamb Called Light – Alleluia 2
Starless & Bible Black – 016-013
Scatter – Urban Conurban
Devin Davis – When The Angels Lift Our Eyelids In The Morning

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