…And then this happened. Four days ago Recording Industry vs. The People picked up on my story about Billy Corgan doing the bidding of his RIAA slave masters, and last night Greg Kot at the Chicago Tribute blogged that Jimmy Chamberlain has left Smashing Pumpkins. Coincidence? I think not. Naturally, Kot writes, “Corgan will continue to write and record as Smashing Pumpkins.” And why shouldn’t he? The fact that Smashing Pumpkins broke up 10 years ago and haven’t featured the original lineup since their pre-Machina club tour hasn’t stopped poor Billy boy yet, and it probably never will. People who still kneel at the throne of Corgan are truly lost souls. That’s why I write all these pathetic story about the bald Pumpking. I was once one of them. I’ve been “clear” since that club tour, and I’ll be happy to council any Pumpkins fan who feels lost supporting the inane, out-of-touch, frowning prince called Corgan. [story]

Morbid Podcast Jack sends another weird news story (like the guy being dragged beneath a car for 17 miles?) about a 51-year-old woman in Yonkers who was shot in the stomach by an errant arrow. No one knows how the arrow found the woman, or where it was shot from, but it was 30-inches long and had a range of up to 300 yards. Personally, I think Jack shot the arrow from his backyard in New Jersey. How many yards is it from the suburbs to Yonkers? [story]

Meanwhile, in Botswana, a pink elephant was caught on film. The article doesn’t say just how rare that phenomenon is, but it is certainly less common than an Asian albino elephant. In Africa, the pink or reddish-brown albinos usually don’t survive for very long, because the immense heat of the sun could cause skin problems or blindness. I always thought a pink elephant was one of those sexual terms, like a Dirty Sanchez or a Polish Bikeride, but I guess I was wrong. Oh well, at least we’ve got Space Docking, right guys!? [story]

It’s a Mclusky song come to life! Remember that awesome tune they had called, “That Man Will Not Hang”? Well, here’s a story from the UK about a “man they could not hang,” which is practically the same thing if you can see past the faggy way British people have of speaking and writing. [story]

“A small bat that was spotted blasting off with the space shuttle Sunday (I think that’s the day of the launch, not the name of the shuttle) and clinging to the back side of Discovery’s (a ha!) external fuel tank apparently held on throughout the launch.” This sounds like one of those crazy events that could lead to the birth of a mutant superhero. I think I’m going to write a comic about a bat that somehow turns into a crime-fighting human after a weird trip into outer space. I’ll call him…Space Batman! PATENT PENDING! [story]

In response to my top ten list yesterday, Discover Magazine is running a story called, “20 Things You Didn’t Know About…Time.” Sounds trippy, right? Read on! [story]

Likewise, The Independent has their own top ten list, “Ten Ways to Save The World.” Totally uncool. Isn’t saving the word sooooo 1994? I think I remember hearing about saving the world once on MTV’s broadcast of the 25th anniversary Woodstock festival. [story]

One of the worst movies my father took me to see when I was growing up was a film called Johnny Mnemonic. In the film, Keanu Reeves plays a guy with a hard drive implanted in his brain, and he couriers data between clients. It was one of the worst futuristic action movies ever made. Until today, when I read about this guy named Jerry Jalava who built a special prosthetic finger with a USB storage device in it. Now I’m worried that a Johnny Mnemonic-like future is inevitable for mankind, and that our only hope is a really smart dolphin that Iced-T keeps in a crazy ghetto warehouse in Newark, NJ. [story]

George Harrison – Wah-Wah
Mclusky – That Man Will Not Hang
Hank Mobley – The Breakdown
Bottomless Pit – Greenery

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