The following post is riddled with spoilers. Riddled, I tell you.

Nate and I said last night that whenever we expect an episode of LOST to be “filler” between more-important episodes, we are always shocked at how good and NOT “filler” those shows turn out to be. Last night was no exception. Awesome episode. Sayid stoned on whatever that was…one of the best scenes of Season 5, no doubt. Furthermore, I liked seeing the Carlos Castaneda book lil’ Ben tries to pawn off on Sayid when he’s in jail. I’ve read that one (”A Separate Reality”) plus a bunch of his other books, and they’re chock-full of cool descriptions of trippy drug visions. Also stuff about our purposes in life, etc. blah blah blah… but the drug taking! OH, the drug taking!!!

Ahem.

After little discussion, Nate and I wondered if — at the end of the season, when The Incident” occurs — Sawyer and (X) stay behind. Not sure if that’s going to be Juliet or Kate. He’s made it abundantly clear that it is not his intention to think of a way to get from 1977 and back to the present. And why should he? He gets to dig out Juliet every night and live in a small utopian island community with his books and his glasses and his bacon breakfasts! Nate wondered if Juliet and Sawyer could inevitably be revealed as Adam and Eve, but since she wasn’t a character in S1 (when supposedly they hatched the idea of who the skeletons were, without actually having the story to back it up yet) I suggested Kate. Then again, if you remember the black’n'white rocks the skeletons were carrying, it was Jack who took them…so…maybe he still holds onto them for some reason? And maybe he’s Adam? I don’t know. Apparently there are a couple Easter eggs embedded in “Not In Portland” (Season 3), one of which is an anagram that sheds some light on the skeletons. That according to an old interview with Cuse. But who the hell cares about those skeletons, anyway!? (I do…)

That said: I’m so sick of the love rhombus. I didn’t care one way or another about it at first, but now it’s just annoying. Enough already. It’s eating away valuable minutes of the show that could be spent showing ascetic Jack meditating and trying to literally “become” Locke by shaving his head and masturbating furiously to drawings of Lela from Futurama (voiced by Katie Segal! Helen! Nosebleeds! Died of aneurism! Time travel sickness? No! Just aneurism!).

Jesus, when the hell is Kate going to do something. She doesn’t even look hot anymore. She’s like a grizzled old mom you don’t want to fuck, and she hasn’t even had a kid (of her own) yet. Predictions abound about character deaths this season, and right now I’m hoping she gets the ax. What is her purpose anymore? She’s less important to the show now than Bernard and Rose. Where the fuck are they, anyway?

I think if anyone believes Ben is actually dead, they can’t call themselves a fan of the show. Faraday laid it all out simply a few weeks ago when he said, “What happened, happened.” If Sayid shot little Ben in 1977, Sayid shot little Ben in 1977. It doesn’t take a man of science OR a man of faith to understand that. Simply because old Ben exists at any point in the post-1977 world, he had to survive the gunshot. Otherwise, paradox. Everything goes black. Existence is erased. Kate’s dead baby Aaron is hoisted out of whatever garbage dumpster she threw him into by the hand of God and unmade into nothingness. Since the episode didn’t simply end with a sudden starwipe and then BLACKNESS (Sayid took his dandy-ass time running, RUNNING off into the woods, where he’ll invariably fall in love with a hostile lady, she’ll die, he’ll cry again. Dude needs to lock that down and stop gettin’ all his womenz DEAD), Ben is alive. That’s the technical explaination. You could also say, “Michael Emerson is under contract for Season 6. His character is not dead.” But where’s the fun in that?

The TV Guide synopsis for 5×12 (airs in two weeks) says:

“Dead is Dead” – To atone for sins of the past, Ben must risk everything in an attempt to summon the smoke monster in order to be judged, on “Lost,” WEDNESDAY, APRIL 8 (9:00-10:02 p.m., ET) on the ABC Television Network.

Wow. Maybe Ben will die then? Probably not. Episode 12 has been spoken about by critics and producers for months now as the most important and mind-blowing episode of the season. I’m already hard.

I want to find out the purpose of the people on the second island soon. Are those people all somehow “recruits” of Ben’s for the impending war? Was bounty hunter “not a hooker” lady actually hired by Ben and she doesn’t know it? How hard would it be for Ben to hire somebody else to hire her (so that she thinks she’s working for that person) when in reality she’s just workin’ for th’ man? What about all those redshirts on that island. I want to watch them bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed!

Also, Smoke Monster. 2 weeks from now we’ll see it again. I think for the Season 6 promotional talk show circuit, Smoke Monster (and not Matthew Fox or Evangeline Lilly) should do Jimmy Kimmel live or the Tonight Show. I’d also like to see Smokey on Bill Mahr’s show, paired up with a pannel of celebrities and politicians like Henry Rollins, Dr. Sanjay Gupta and Margaret Thatcher. Make it so! “Smoke Monster, tell us about your experience with that sub-prime mortgage you were roped into signing?”

Oh, and when will we find out Miles is Dr. Pierre Marvin Edgar Chang Candle Halliwax’s son? Miles Straume? Sounds like a porn name to me! (Fast Fact: My porn name, if you use my first pet and street name?: Corky Walnut. WOW.)

So many questions. But, then again, that’s the life of a LOST nerd. Hopefully I can get Nate or Tom to leave a comment with more theories. Them boys have got a whole world of LOST predictions they’re itching to share with all four of my readers.

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