Look What One “Special” Nerd Made In His Basement — A UFO Car!

• Col. Timothy L. Korpa is going to venture into outer space next month on a trip to the International Space Station. His CD of choice for the trip is Ocean Rain by Echo & The Bunnymen. WIRED came up with a list of five “cool” soundtracks for a trip out of earth’s atmosphere, but it’s really bad. Doolittle, Loveless (come on, everybody knows Isn’t Anything is better!), Dark Side of The Moon, Entroducing and Birth Of The Cool. How drab. How incredibly fucking boring. If you were to ask me for the five albums I would blast into space, I would probably pick, like, Hawkwind’s In Search Of Space, Mainliner’s Mellow Out (”the raging 15-minutes of “Black Sky” takes Zeppelin 2 and shakes it like a puppy“), Hum’s You’d Prefer An Astronaut, Spacemen 3’s The Perfect Prescription, and Cosmic Jokers’ Galactic Supermarket. Fuck, that would make the for the absolute headiest trip into space ever. [story]

• Do you ever suddenly feel completely wiped out in the middle of the day? Lifehacker has some tips for how to score a quick energy boost. For example, “Bring a change of socks to work and swap out your old pair midday. After lunch is a good time.” Sadly absent from this list is the always reliable, “Seduce a co-worker or random stranger into blowing you.” Actually, on second thought, your post-orgasm state might make you even more relaxed and tired. Damn, I wish there was some kind of handy list of exercises one could do in order to stay alert and productive at work! Oh, wait. That’s what this article is… [story]

• Matt sent me this — oh man! The link is dead! He sent me this story from The Sun UK about how a pornstar who was filming an outdoor orgy scene had to be rushed to the hospital after she experienced complications breathing. She was filming a world record attempt to blow 200 guys, and after the 75th guy she almost passed out because she couldn’t breathe. I don’t know, it’s pretty impressive that she blew 75 guys, but she didn’t even get halfway to her goal, so she’s also a total failure. Much like a kid who strikes out in every little league at-bat only to finally hit a slow dribble that travels a distance of two feet, I’m sure her parents are proud of her. They might have even been waiting on the sidelines with a cooler filled with fresh orange slices for the whole “team” after the blowing ended. We’ll never know. [story]

• Current has a video made by two American filmmakers about real vampires in Transylvania. Also, one of the hottest films at Cannes this year is a zombie film with a $70 budget. In other news, Pat and I have been reinvigorated by the prospect of finishing our own zombie film. Now is as good a time as any to cash in on the craze, right? Maybe this news story from Transylvania will help us with some ideas. After all, what are zombies but slightly-altered, misguided vampires, right? [story]

• Apparently someone at the New York Times (really?) believes that we can solve our energy crisis by revealing more information about extra terrestrials and unidentified flying objects. The author claims that the government possesses “extraterrestrial vehicles” (flying saucers), that are capable of hurtling through galaxies as 20,000 miles per hour. Then she wonders why we’re not using that energy to fuel our cars and boats and planes. Seriously lady? That’s your angle? Hmm…maybe because IF we actually possess UFOs (and I don’t believe we do) we probably have no idea how those things work. And even if we do, who the hell wants everybody in the world hurtling down the street to the grocery store at 20,000 miles per hour? Why on earth would we use the same fuel from a UFO in a car? That’s fucking absurd! You’re an idiot. Your article is retarded. And now I feel dumber for having read it. Thanks a lot, asshole. [story]

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