Loading ...The Meaning Of My Existence…Found?
By Evan ~ May 25th, 2009. Filed under: daily life.
Happy Memorial Day, everybody! Although I guess today isn’t exactly a “happy” day, since we’re supposed to be remembering our countries war dead. Oh well, so I haven’t yet taken a moment to remember fallen soldiers. I worked all day and then came home, barbecued and drank a beer (Young’s Double Chocolate Stout). The hamburgers were good, ground beef with diced onions, and topped with gorgonzola and prosciutto. Yum.
You know, I don’t want to sound selfish or anything, but if ten of you donate a hundred dollars (or if 20 of you donate fifty dollars, or if 600 of you donate two dollars) to this website I might actually be able to afford that copy of the Dave Bixby record that’s up for auction on eBay right now. The cover is tattered, but the record is supposedly in mint condition. Do I want that album more than Walter Wegmuller? I don’t know…probably not. But, still. It’s a holy grail item.
So, I had a moment at work on Saturday where suddenly I was thinking with complete clarity. One of my co-workers wanted to order lunch, and our choice for food was between Lela Thai and TG Express. I said that I preferred Lela Thai because, “TG Express is what you find yourself eating alone at home at two o’clock in the morning when you realize, ‘Jesus. What the fuck is wrong with my life?’.” A few hours later, someone brought up Olive Garden in conversation, and I told them that, “Olive Garden is where pathetic businessmen sit alone after work listening to their iPods and staring at their bread sticks.” Then, it hit me. I realized that my entire life is a sustained attempt to stave off that moment when I am that guy. It’s one long effort to remain not completely pitiful.
Of course, this not something that I have done because I feel like my life is pathetic and I don’t want to own up to it. It’s completely subconscious. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have just realized it two days ago. I think my life is filled with joy and excitement. I’ll soon forget all about this epiphany and go back to my normal ways, but it wouldn’t surprise me if for the rest of the week I consciously choose to do more enriching things. Just until I slip back into my regular life routine. It certainly doesn’t hurt that Ken and Katie are in town. They’ll keep me far away from TG Express and even further from Olive Garden.
In your opinion, dear reader, what else embodies a woeful existence? Sitting down and eating at a Dunkin Donuts instead of just driving through or carrying out? Buying a Nintendo GameCube? All-you-can-eat buffets? Sweatpants? Let’s try to think of the most depraved, miserable things somebody can do to tell the world that they have no life. If your comments/responses are good enough I’ll rank them in a Friday Top Ten list.
Amen Dunes – Amen Dunes
High Tide – Death Warmed Up
Junior Kimbrough – Lonesome Road
May 27th, 2009 at 12:30 am
Th exact moment when you dish out a grand to buy an old piece of vinyl. The building-up to that moment can be quite exhilarating, but on that exact moment it seems the world comes tumbling down.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
hometown buffet. oh my god, if anything is woeful it’s that place. on the upside – when you go there, you feel like the most attractive and accomplished person in the room.