• Not one but two CNN/CareerBuilder articles have appeared since my last weekly world (w)news update. This means twice as many opportunities to poke fun of the inanity of those horrible writers! In the first piece, the theory stating a college degree is enough to get a job is refuted. As it turns out, apparently these days a bachelor’s degree just doesn’t mean much! Oh yeah? Tell me something I didn’t know four years ago when I was still working towards my BA. No one lands a good job anymore without a degree in engineering or finance…or wants to attend medical or law school. I know that. I’ve known that since I sat down and started applying to colleges, when I was in high school. I’m not shocked that I am where I am today, and millions of people like me feel exactly the same way as I do. The fact that CNN thinks they’re breaking news with the world with this story is retarded. [story] Now, on the other hand, this list of the ten worst work habits is hilarious. Why on earth does the author think that people who read CNN’s website are dolts who don’t realize how they act while at work? “Being a sloppy e-mailer?” Come on, moron. Nobody fucking cares about that shit. Nor should readers need a reminder that “Always running late” is a bad thing. What a waste of perfectly useable webspace. How about an article about something that’s actually relevant to a worldwide audience hungry for information and news? [story]

“The idea of still-living dinosaurs has captured the public imagination for well over a century.” Really? It has? Because I could have sworn dinosaurs died off millions and millions of years ago. And I’m a member of the public. I’m offended that I’ve been lumped in with a bunch of dopes who are somehow not convinced that dinosaurs are all dead. Where the hell are these still-living dinosaurs hiding, anyway? Isn’t the majority of the earth’s surface inhabited, or at least researchable? Even the most unexplored areas of the globe are few enough and small enough that they couldn’t possibly be hiding fucking dinosaurs! All we’ve got are the remnants of dinosaurs. Chickens and birds and dolphins and shit. That’s it. To think there’s a brontosaurus or pterodactyl colony thriving in some miniscule region would be like saying there’s a zombie horde growing in numbers waiting to attack us all at any moment. It’s paranoid bullshit. No dinosaurs. Period. I’ll suck all your dicks if I’m proven wrong. [story]

• Here’s a clever article called, “Why Things Become Unpopular”. Apparently a recent study has proven that “the fall of an item’s popularity mirrors its rise to popularity.” This is really exciting news because it means Vampire Weekend and The Arcade Fire will burn out really fucking soon. People will wake up one morning (my guess, the morning after the bands’ next albums are released?) and it’ll be just like they never existed. Oh, what a peaceful morning it will be! Unfortunately, the bad news — and it’s really bad news — is that U2’s fall from grace will take a much longer period of time, as their rise to popularity took years. [story]

• A website called Collider claims that Comedy Central has ordered 13 new episodes of Futurama. I never saw the last of the straight-to-DVD movies, but the fact that none of my friends have mentioned it to me in conversation leads me to believe that it was on par with the other movies. Pretty bad stuff. David X. Cohen and Matt Groening need to hire me to help write these episodes if they expect any kind of sustained popularity. It’s like they say, “the fall of an item’s popularity…” and Futurama had some weird peaks and valleys as far as the show’s popularity is concerned. There’s still time to capture the world’s imagination with funny stories and intelligent writing. Hire me. Hire me! Hire me! [story]

• Good news, everyone! (See, that’s a Futurama reference) The Earth could survive for another 2.3 bilion years! Considering the last prognosis estimated that the planet could survive over one billion years less than that, things are looking pretty good for us. Unless of course Yellowstone caldera erupts. That would kill all those pesky “estimates,” wouldn’t it! It’s not like it’s not overdue, either. That things on a 650,000 year cycle and the last eruption was, like, 655,000 years ago! I think if any disaster on this planet is going to destroy all human life, that’s a pretty good bet at this point. If Earth does survive for another 2.3 billion years, I’ll be shocked. I also won’t be around to claim any winnings I would receive for taking the “under” on that bet. [story]

• Did you know that there are six ridiculous sex myths that are actually true! Cracked does. For once they haven’t lifted an idea for a stupid top ten list from me, and they’ve done their own investigative work in order to compile these items. Subjects such as does the size of your fingers determine your gayness and is there a pill that can make your orgasm are tackled. I stopped reading after the first “myth” because the tone of the writing pissed me off. Oh well. Maybe you’ll read the rest of the article and let me know how it ends. [story]

• My copy of the Harvey Milk Anthem DVD showed up today! Expect a review soon. They still have a few copies for sale left at Chunklet. It’s limited to 500 copies. You’d be wise to order yours now. Fucking Harvey Milk! So good!

M. Ward – Poison Cup
Abner Jay – Cocaine Blues
Neil Young – Yonder Stands The Sinner

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