Apparently Judy McGuire is out as The Frisky’s CNN correspondent. Now some Jew named Simcha is the girl who writes the relationship advice columns which are syndicated on CNN’s website. For months, I greedily devoured McGuire’s columns, because her ideas were so inane they deserved in-depth responses decrying her utter stupidity. Now we’ve got this JAP to deal with, and her first article (that I’ve seen, maybe she wrote another one before this) is about “13 signs that you may be dating a loser.” She’s talking about woman losers, not men losers. I guess Jewish girl thinks that if she positions herself as a male sympathizer it will make the months of moronic things that were written about men (from the perspective of a woman) disappear. Not true. She’s got to do more than just write about how women are losers to get on my good graces. She should write more accurately about the nearly infinite number of ways women can losers.

This list is so carelessly written. Your woman is considered a loser if she “flirts with dudes in front of you, shamelessly. Then, she gets super mad and makes a scene if you so much as give a cute waitress your order.” Uh…the author has listed exactly one way in which a girl can be a loser, but at the same time she’s described the entire female population! Why even list the other twelve signs once you’ve already taken out all the girls in the world with one common trait. Women are all flirts, and they can’t stand when men talk to other women. I guess, Simcha, that makes you all losers.

Number two on the list: “When it goes beyond wanting to spending [sic] time together to demanding it constantly, you have to wonder, what’s her problem?” Her problem is she’s a woman. They’re clingy and needy and annoying when they don’t have your attention, then you give it to them and they turn around and tell their friends that you’re demanding. It’s a sick, twisted cycle that no man has been able to master because it’s so irrational we can’t fathom a response to it that isn’t completely retarded. Women. Sigh.

Number seven on this list: you might be dating a loser if “She forces you to show off to her lady friends…but she never wants to hang out with you and your best bros.” This is another easy one to explain. See, girls love to talk shit about each other. It’s their third favorite pastime, right after shopping and crying. A girl can’t say anything bad about another girl if there isn’t anyone around to listen. That’s why your girlfriend hates hanging out with the boys. It’s the same reason why Nicci doesn’t like to watch us play Mario Kart, or why she goes to bed early when we’re watching sports. If there isn’t another girl in the room to have bad thoughts about — and then talk shit about — it’s not really worth their time.

Just as she begins her list, Simcha closes with a truism that describes all women: “She’s always looking for compliments.” Look, we don’t know why women are insecure. We just know that they are insecure. All of ‘em. Hence, they fish for compliments. With a little doubt removal, one would figure that a woman’s thirst for reassurance would be satiated. Wrong! It only increases the more you tell her that you love her and she’s not fat! It gets worse, too! Why? Apparently — according to Simcha Whitehill, writer for a website called The Frisky — it is because all women are LOSERS.

I miss Judy McGuire. Her articles were even more idiotic than this one. I can only hope she’ll return to writing for CNN soon.

Blurt – Get
Ride – Moonlight Medicine
June of 44 – Sharks & Sailors

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