• I dropped the ball last night when I elected not to write a new Top Ten list this week. Have no fear, list fans! New Scientist ran an article about the ten things scientists don’t understand about humans. The list includes laughter (”Why did it evolve?”), dreams (”What are they for?”), and pubic hair (”Scent radiator, warmth provider, or chafe protection?”). I’ve got some questions about human things that I don’t understand. For example, why do women dress like sluts when they go out, but then pretend they’re not looking for sex? Also, why weren’t male nipples bred out of existence? When a scientists answers my questions — and I have plenty more, trust me — I’ll start paying attention to this “science” thing. Until then, it’s all bible stories and mythology for me! [story]

• Robot chefs are running restaurants in Japan. Next up, robot girlfriends and wives. I will not give up on my lifelong quest for love with a Lucy Liu bot! I refuse to give up hope! [story]

• The Financial Times ran a piece recently about “Project Cocktail,” a joint venture between Apple and the major labels to “re-imagine the digital album” in such a way that people will actually want to buy it. I always thought iTunes and digital downloads were going strong, but I guess album downloads are in the tank of late. I don’t understand why these companies pump so much money into these “projects” when they had the right idea all along with the vinyl record. It’s big enough for you to enjoy the artwork and hold it and read the lyrics or recording information, the sound of the music is nicer when amplified and sent through good speakers instead of iPod earbuds or computer speakers, and most importantly, listeners are brought into the process of playing an album each time they have to flip sides and drop the needle. The labels had the right idea going for a long time, but until they realize their mistake we’re doomed to more stupid articles about mergers, partnerships, and joint ventures like “Project Cocktail” with it’s soft onscreen album art, which is supposed to make people want to download a full-length album. Idiots. [story (Registration Required)]

• Look, Mars has its own monolith. Someone wake up Stanley Kubrick and tell him someone else did it first. [story]

• Some idiots are still worried about bees and colony collapse disorder, because they fear that bees will go extinct and there won’t be anyone or anything to pollenate all the plants in the world and we’ll die in forty years like someone once predicted! Those assholes will be happy to hear that a new vaccine made by an Israeli company could solve colony collapse disorder, and ensure that bee populations will never dwindle, thus making every spring and summer that much more annoying for me. I hate bees. [story

• Fifteen years ago, Maximum Rock ' Roll (Issue #133, June '94) re-published an article originally written by Steve Albini in 1993 for The Baffler (#5) called "The Problem With Music" (link). Last week, NPR ran a story about the Washington rock band The Posies, and how their lives have changed since being signed to a major record label -- wait for it -- fifteen years ago! Poor Jon Auer recounts the good (the band's initial $250,000 publishing advance was recouped and they made money on top of that), and the ugly (paying no attention to expenses charged to the band's account during their relationship with Geffen Records). Retardedly, the band left Geffen in the late '90s, "not over money, but a lack of promotion" and returned to the indie label that released the band's first album. They released one more album, and soon broke up. They still receive "some performance royalties," but the money from album sales goes back to Geffen for all the promotion and production fees the band wanted more of before they left the label. Oh well. A great quote from the article states that former Posies member and current record producer Ken Stringfellow, "says he makes a little more than $100,000 a year, although he's paid mostly in euros." Ha! Later, Auer says that a three-stop tour he's about to take will net each musician about $500 a day. Well, I make that every two weeks, so I'd say he's doing just fine. Nope, not if you ask the pampered dumbass Auer, who states, "We don't tour with a bus...we don't have four-star hotel rooms. We're not above rooming with each other if we have to." And that, my friends, is the real problem with music. They had the chance to sign to a major label, they took it, they didn't surround themselves with people smart enough to remind them they were being fucked, and now they're playing for our sympathy? I don't think so. That's not going to happen. Fuck 'em for being cocky and thinking they were going to be set for life financially. The best part of this whole story is that the band is currently signed to a subsidiary of Warner Music. If at first you don't succeed...fall on your face and cry foul to NPR. [story]

• Now that I’ve gotten all the hate and ire out of my system, how about I follow these ten easy steps for being happier right now! Thanks, CNN and Real Simple! You’re just what the headshrink ordered! I need to “let the sun go down on anger” and “buy some happiness!” Maybe I’ll spend some money on records before I leave work today. That should be good for the spirit, right? Plus, that stack of records I have purchased but haven’t listened to yet is starting to shrink already. I need some fresh LPs for that stack! Maybe later I can “stop nagging” and “take action.” So true. I need more of both of those things in my life, whatever they are. [story]

• If you’ve got the time, read about “sky serpents.” They apparently terrorized our country in the mid-1800s. Who knew! [story]

• CNN and CareerBuilder have teamed up once again to discuss the job market, the economy and how it affects you, the reader. This week’s article is called, “Why blogging is good for your career,” and I’d like to be the first person to respond Wrong! to those assholes. Blogging has not been good for my career. I work in a fucking record store. Yeah, I make a few hundred extra bucks a month in advertising and crap, but that doesn’t make me a happier person. It just pays for my expenses and gives me something potentially damaging to add to my resume. I don’t think the people at Sirius/XM or Conde Nast are going to care about the fact that I’ve been blogging almost every day for four years and have netted over one million viewers in that time, they’re just going to see the words “date rape,” “fag,” and “retard” littered liberally throughout the different entries and tell me that I need counseling. Don’t you think I know I need counseling! I don’t fucking care about that, I need a fucking job, man! I need a salary, and some benefits, and money to blow on whores and drugs and more records! God, you people are so stupid. CNN. CareerBuilder. Blogging is about the worst professional decision I’ve ever made, and you guys are assholes for saying that it is good for your career. “Why would you possibly want to blog,” you ask? How about, because can be cathartic but also alienating and futile when you realize no one is watching or offering you any money to do it. [story]

Magazine – My Mind Ain’t So Open
Uzeda – Wailing
The Sadies – Why Be So Curious (Part 3)

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