I am refusing to give the name of the company in question because I am planning on writing them a more formal letter in the near future. I don’t want to blow my chances of getting a response by sending them this letter first. If I don’t receive the response I want, I’ll re-post this with the company’s name.

Dear Huge American Corporation,

On September 30th, 2009 I visited your Homewood, Alabama location. I know, Alabama. Whatever. I was traveling to see my girlfriend on opening night of a theatrical production in which she was acting. I thought it might be a good idea to surprise her following her last dress rehearsal with some flowers and candy. At roughly 11pm that night, while she was still rehearsing, I drove my rental car over to the HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION department store near where she was staying. I’ve never visited a HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION department store before, but I’ve heard a lot about them. It was a very big store. I was impressed.

Inside the HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION department store, I found a lot of interesting items that I could have purchased. I settled for the following items: a dozen roses ($10), a vase ($5), a bottle of Barefoot Pinot Grigio ($8), a bottle of Andre California Champagne ($5), a greeting card ($4), and two bags of gummy bears ($0.99 each). I estimate my purchase to have been somewhere in the vicinity of $37.00, including tax. I was quite satisfied with my purchase. At the cash register, I talked to a young gentleman who seemed very nice. We made jokes about my “trying too hard” to impress my girlfriend. I paid for my purchase using a debit card. As I typed in my four digit pin code, I made sure to check the amount being deducted from my bank account. I am a conscientious shopper and make sure to double-check money-related charges all the time. Whatever my total was, it was between $30 and $40. I didn’t keep the receipt because in the middle of paying my girlfriend called to say rehearsal had ended early, and asked where I was. I told the nice guy behind the counter not to bother, and ran out the door in order to race her back to her hotel room. I wanted the flowers and alcohol to be waiting for her. When she saw my opulent display of affection, she was quite taken with me. Although I did not receive any sexual gratification that night as a kind of reward for my thoughtfulness, I did not mind. I was happy enough knowing that I could make my girlfriend happy by buying her things.

Six days later, I signed into my bank’s website to check my available checking balance. I noticed that I had been charged twice by HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION for a grand total of $131.71. I immediately called the Homewood, AL department store and asked if they kept merchant receipts, because I felt like I had been grossly overcharged for my purchase. The response I received was that they could only tell me the details of a merchant receipt if I had a transaction number. I told the lady I spoke to that I didn’t get a receipt because I had turned it down when I was called away from the register. She said she didn’t understand the purpose of my call. I told her the situation, but she got really snippy at me and told me she couldn’t help me. I might have raised my voice and demanded to talk to a superior who could understand that I had been overcharged, and then I heard her throw the phone at someone near her, while she cursed at me for being…well, I’ll say “rude,” but she used a different word. This supervisor explained again that they could not tell me the details of my receipt without a transaction number. She too didn’t seem to care that I had not received a receipt. I decided to call my bank and open a dispute.

I expected my bank to rush to my defense, to call HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION and demand to see the details of the transaction I made, because I am a valued customer and have a spotless record when it comes to disputing improper charges. They did no such thing. They settled for some stupid terminal print-out that told them a transaction occurred for the amount I was charged, and that made them content. They dismissed my case and took the full amount out of my bank account. Quite frankly, I’m thinking about changing banks to one that treats their customers with a little more respect. That’s not the point of this letter, though.

I’m writing to you, HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION, because you have defrauded me. There is absolutely no way I spent $131.71 at your store. Like I stated above, I purchased a very small number of inexpensive items. I did not ask for, nor did I receive any “cash back” during my transaction. I think the idea of “cash back” is stupid. Why wouldn’t I just go to an ATM? Or why wouldn’t I pay in cash if I was constantly getting “cash back” from places like HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION. That’s a dumb idea. Anyway — I am positive that I spent no more than $40 at your department store, and now you have taken over $90 from me. This, I believe, is absolute bullshit. If I walked up to someone on the street and took $90 from them, I would probably be arrested. Hell, I might even be fined and thrown in jail. How come HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION can steal $90 from me and then force me to just deal with it? I feel humiliated that I ever thought about shopping at HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION. So now I am unable to live my life the way I want to live it (without $90 that could have been spent on groceries or toiletries or household items), and I feel like a loser for having been duped by your company. To make a simple analogy, you have taken my money and then sexually assaulted me. That’s how I feel. Not only will I never, ever shop at a HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION department store again for as long as I live, I will do my best to speak negatively about my HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION experience to anyone who will listen. I will ask my website’s readers to boycott HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION. I will ask my friends, family, and anyone who will listen to boycott HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION. I want my $90 back. Please give it back. It’s not fair that you were able to somehow steal that money — my hard earned money — from my bank account and get away with it. I would never steal from you or one of your department stores. Why do you want to steal from me? Is it because you hate Jewish people? Is it because a young white man is considered by society and the media to be lucky, so he can’t possibly be upset about experiences something negative? I’ve asked you a lot of questions in this letter HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION, and now I want some answers. I want to know if you are going to give my $90 back, or are you going to keep up this front that I actually spent $130 on some stupid flowers and gummy bears, while I tell the whole world what a bunch of assholes you are? The ball is in your court. Make the right decision and give me my god damned money back.

Regards,
Evan LeVine
Blogger & New Anti-HUGE AMERICAN CORPORATION Activist

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