Please tell me you’ve read this article, 10 Things Husbands Should Never Do. It’s making the rounds on lots of news aggregate sites today for its sheer stupidity. And for the total cuntyness of its author, moron lady Diane Oatis. Look, I write a lot of sarcastic rants. I think the difference between myself and this Diane character is that, through my tone and my word choice, most of my missives can be obviously disregarded as jokes. Her editorial, on the other hand, comes off sounding like a whiny, spoiled housewife twat in need of a good, firm, slap across the face. Seriously, read the piece. It’s amazing.

“Please, please, don’t ever…imply that office work is harder than housework. At the end of the day, there may be smoke coming out of your ears, but let’s face it: You’ve basically been sitting on your butt.” So, in the eyes of Diane Oatis, an office job is easier than being a housewife because at least with a desk job you get to sit down. Has she ever actually held a job before? You know, aside from being a homemaker, which apparently she values as much as her husband’s real job. That makes sense. His slothful sit-down job only provides her with the house in which she “works.” He should know better than to complain. I mean, Timmy had a stomach flu and was throwing up all morning! Who cares if that silly merger didn’t go through, or if the employee review didn’t go that well. TIMMY WAS THROWING UP ALL MORNING. What a bitch.

Diane continues, “Please, please, don’t ever…be unimpressed by a meal that took a lot of time and trouble.” Hey, once I made a really intricate dinner from scratch and I fucked up because I forgot to drain the water from the canned tomatoes. I didn’t expect anyone to be impressed with the sauce, which was so watery it needed several servings of starch just to thicken it up to non-soup-like consistency. If someone said the sauce sucked, I wouldn’t have minded. Listen, bitch. Don’t play holier-than-thou just because you felt the need to cook and failed. You know what? Why don’t you “say something nice anyway” the next time we invest a lot of time and trouble in watching a sporting event just to see our team lose? Why don’t you “say something nice” when your husband puts “a lot of time and trouble” into fixing up an old car, finishing a project, or…oh, I don’t know…working to make a living? That’d be nice. It’d be a whole lot nicer than coming home to an ungrateful cunt who just wants her belly rubbed because she made meatloaf and put the kids to bed.

The last funny quote from this worthless article is, “Please, please, don’t ever…say anything remotely critical about our new haircut.” And, who paid for that haircut, might I ask? Was it you? Do you draw a salary for being a housewife? Oh, that’s right. Your husband paid for that haircut with his easy sit-down job. You know, the one that he’s not allowed to complain about because it’s so easy? Yeah…you’ve pretty much solidified your reputation as a cunt now.

Writing a shitty article is one thing. Anyone can do that. Having a complete lack of perspective is entirely different. This stupid woman, Diane Oatis, comes off like an insecure, feeble dolt. None of the shit she complains about matters. Not in a relationship, not in a marriage, not even in a made up scenario for a supposedly humorous article. If this woman wanted to complain about stereotypical husband behavior and offer a legitimate list of things men shouldn’t do, she should have put some effort into it. Lend us some insight. Don’t hide behind the fact that you hate your life. Don’t take it out on the man who is providing for you and your family. You suck. You suck, and you’re indignant, and on top of all that you’re a horrible writer. I hope your husband takes his kids and runs off in the middle of the night, leaving you with nothing. Maybe then you’ll have to get a job. Maybe then you’ll realize just how pathetic and whiny you sound. Maybe then you’ll shut the hell up.

Sigh. Women.

Why can’t they all be as cool as Nicci. Except for when she demeans my sense of humor. So what if it’s low brow? Does that make it any less funny? I think not.

The The – This Is The Night
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