Hi, Hillary. You look…different.
Sorry about the lack of a post yesterday, I was really busy. One of my co-workers left early because he was feeling ill, so I had to cover the remaining few hours of his shift. Afterwards I went to see a staged reading of Nicci’s friend’s play. Then it off to Louise’s birthday party, where I played my first ever game of beer pong. I know that sounds terrible, but when I was in high school and college I wasn’t often interested in drinking, and when I did I didn’t want to align myself with the fraternity douches who take their drinking games too seriously. Most of the time I just took bong hits in the shower and went to Wegmans or played Nintendo GameCube. Ah, college.
There was no Top Ten list yesterday, but here’s a funny update on the running Top Ten I like to call: “The Ten Best Google Searches Directed To Swan Fungus”
10. Things most people don’t know about Estonia
09. women having sex with snakes
08. Gail Simmons breasts (Yay, it still works!)
07. father fucks his daughter
06. GOLD PORN
05. ariel having sex with her father
04. full blown aids
03. cunt
02. massdippah
01. pho siam happy ending
• On the same day as our big exclusive interview, the identity of massDIPPAH was discovered and spread across the Dip Community by some of his more outspoken detractors. At first he thought it had something to do with me and the interview, but later he found out it was related to something entirely different. According to the tobacco-chewing sensation, his phone has been ringing off the hook since yesterday, when dipper “Outlaw” made a YouTube video featuring massDIPPAH’s phone number. I’ll continue following the saga, as I have become even more interested in how it might all conclude.
• What’s wrong guy, feeling blue? Too bad, so is everyone else. It happens. Most of us are mildly depressed from time to time. Unfortunately, there’s no cure for that. See, alcohol and pills might make you into a really cool depressed person with a shaggy beard, like Jack on LOST, but those popular drugs you’re always hearing about on television and the radio don’t actually work for mild or moderate depression. They only work for severe depression. Which basically means that they don’t work. You feeling better was probably the result of other mentally healthy choices you made around the same time you started taking your prescription, or because of a placebo effect. The article I’m reading doesn’t really say either of those things. I’m just adding my own unfounded theories in with smarter people’s formal studies and real science. [story']
• Speaking of LOST, have you heard this story about the show’s fans are petitioning Disneyland for a ride dedicated to the television show? If you think about it, it makes sense. The Twilight Zone has a ride (The Tower Of Terror), so why shouldn’t LOST. Then Disneyland just needs to make a Seinfeld ride, a Futurama ride and a Six Feet Under ride, and the five greatest television programs of all time will be well represented. On a related note, I’ve decided that if they open a LOST ride at Disneyland — even if it’s a roller coaster that has loops in it — I’m going to load myself up with Xanax and take one for the team. Because I love LOST that much. Also, I know a spoiler about the 9th episode of Season 6, entitled “Ab Aeterno,” which is Latin for “since the beginning of time.” [story]
Speaking of LOST even more, did you know that my friend Sebastian founded Panther Cranes US, a company whose cranes have been used during filming of LOST several times? He e-mailed me some awesome production shots that show his cranes in use. Here are a few stills from season 3 that I think are worth sharing. Thanks Sebastian, I love you!
• People still care about bee colony collapse? Haven’t I debunked that myth on this page several times since 2006 or 2007? Apparently WIRED did not get the memo, because they’re still devoting blog space to worrisome posts about how we’ll all die if the bees all die. WIRED, you’re no Einstein. Even if you changed the name of your magazine to EINSTEIN, you’d be no Einstein. You think we’re all going to die because the bees are dying. Oh, wait. Now that I’m reading the headline of the article, I realize that WIRED suggests there are several causes for bee colony collapses. WIRED isn’t playing up the whole, “We’re gonna die!” thing after all. I take it back, WIRED. Nice goin’, Einstein. [story]
• And lastly, some math nerd studying in London has taken a mathematical equation which predicts the chances of there being Alien life, and used it to explain why he can’t find a girlfriend. Clearly not a Swan Fungus reader, Peter Backus needs to check out some of my Top Ten lists about how to sleep with women. Put down the graphing calculator, Backus. It’s time to stop hitting the books, and time to start hitting that shit, if you know what I mean. I suggest you start with the top ten pick-up lines, or the top ten ways to be noticed by (and consequently bed) a lady. After that, it’s up to you Backus! Make me proud! [story]
A few month ago I was contacted by William C. Beeley, the songwriter responsible for the amazing, privately-pressed folk album Gallivantin’. Beeley drew many comparisons to Dylan with his self-produced album, which has become a very valueable collector’s item in the years following its release. Recent copies have sold for almost $1,000. Beeley was kind enough to send me a copy of his follow-up album, Passing Dream, which was recorded in 1979. It has a more country feel than Gallivantin’, which is in the vein of loner/downer folk. Anyway, I wanted to take a brief moment to thank Mr. Beeley for getting in touch with me, and for being so kind as to send me a signed copy of his album. Thanks, Will! Also, you’ll find the first track from Passing Dream
Will Beeley – Standin’ At The Station
Zu – Tom Araya Is Our Elvis
January 22nd, 2010
Hehe, I love that people find your blog looking for information about Estonia. Also, I read that apparently January 18th is the most depressing day of the year, so you were 2 days early with your depression story.