Loading ...MusicDNA, Earthquakes!, Spaceships For Sale & Mutated Humans
By Evan ~ January 23rd, 2010. Filed under: world news.
You would think a “leading technology company” earned such a lofty claim through smart business practices. They probably synthesized commonly found elements into a new medicine, or cracked some DNA code that could stop babies from being born with superfluous toes. Whatever they did, it’s got to be important enough to warrant the term “leading technology company.” You wouldn’t think such a lofty claim is earned by launching a new digital file format in the hopes of becoming more popular than MP3s. That would be stupid. BACH Technology thinks they can replace the MP3. Their new file includes not only music, but “lyrics, news updates and images.” Also, we’re supposed to pay for it. In my mind, this shatters my perception of what defines a “leading technology company.” Nobody in their right mind is going to replace an easy-to-use free file format with one you have to pay for just because it provides you with lyrics and pictures. Sorry, that’s what Google is for. If I want to know the words to an MP3 I’ll look them up elsewhere else and keep the free music. Good luck with your MusicDNA files, BACH Technology. No, seriously, good luck. [story]
The last thing I want to do with this website is cause a mass PANIC! but there were 250 earthquakes reported in Yellowstone National Park over a two-day span this week. As you all know, Yellowstone is a giant volcano, and if it explodes we’ll all die. I’d pay closer attention to these articles if I were you. [story]
Oh, and just in case you don’t care about dying in a supervolcano explosion, here are some neat facts about earthquakes and fault lines all over America. No one is safe, is what I’ve gleaned from this article. The Pacific Northwest, California, the East Coast and the Midwest are all susceptible to huge earthquakes. That leaves the South as the only safe haven from dangerous tremors. Of course, in the South you have to deal with tornadoes, hurricanes, and rednecks. Like I said, no one in America is safe. [story]
Maybe the safest place of all is…outer space. If the recession has made anything more affordable, it’s space travel. NASA has recently cut the price of 1970s-era spaceships from $42 million to $28.8 million. All that loose change you keep in your car’s ashtray could really come in handy soon. [story]
“An alleged mutated human body washed ashore on Plum Island, a small island where the U.S. Government typically studies dangerous animal diseases.” The body is being described as a white male with “very long fingers.” I’m sure his girlfriend was quite pleased. In other news, I’m still waiting for the first mutated human female body to wash ashore somewhere that features a second tongue…in the back of her vagina. I don’t want to say I’ve lost hope, but…it doesn’t appear likely that I’ll ever find a chick with “the tongue.” [story]
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