• Have you ever wondered why time flies when you’re older? No? Okay, then there’s no reason for you to read the next few sentences. If this is something you wonder about, scientists are here to help. They say it has a lot to do with “firsts.” That is to say, you can recall your first kiss or your first summer vacation much more clearly than your last. Our memories apparently contain more information and details from first times than any other times. As we repeat experiences as adults, we store information differently. We are “embroidering a bank of previous experiences,” instead of starting fresh. I’m no scientist, but I think time feels like it’s flying when I’m older because I have more responsibilities. I don’t have weekends “off” anymore, and on days I don’t work I more often than not have something else that needs to be done. I could probably continue to sit around get high all the time if I wanted, but that’d make me an even bigger loser than I already am, and one of my goals for this year is to will myself into becoming less of a loser…which is why I’m obsessed with an online board game right now. Ah, fuck it. [story]
• It’s 2010, and several news sources are beginning to ratchet up their 2012 coverage. The Monitor has a story about a Mexican journalist who is preparing to present evidence of UFO sightings, and thinks “mankind will see a market change in the year 2012.” Aside from the fact that this moron thinks we care about his UFO revelations, he is further hindered by the fact that he’s Mexican. When was the last time you actually listened to what a Mexican was telling you? [story]
• This article is about a new pill that has been synthesized which can help us all live to be 100 years old. I didn’t read the article, because I instantly focused on the inset image of the old couple holding hands. What is this, a Cialis commercial? Are you serious, Express.co.uk? You couldn’t find a picture of DNA or a pill or something, you had to steal a picture from an online add about male enhancement? [story]
• Scientists theorize that you can only have 150 friends. That’s the limit that the human brain can absorb. So quit trying to act like you’re super popular with your thousands of Facebook friends, we all know you acquaint yourself with less than 2% of those people. As for me, I don’t even think I could absorb that many friends. I think I have, like, three friends. And none of them exist when they are not in my presence. I just forget them. While on the topic, I think that Facebook and Twitter should do away with the whole “Friends” and “Followers” thing, and simply replace it with “Minions.” Because I don’t form mutual bonds with people, I just have a growing army of underlings who live to serve me. [story]
• Was it merely coincidence that during the last week in January — just as LOST season six was set to premiere — a thousand-year-old temple complex in northwest Peru was found under large sand dunes? I think not. [story]
• This article, “Animals on drugs: 11 unlikely highs” would be absolutely amazing if I could actually read it without having to register for some stupid fucking website I only want to read once. Fuck you, New Scientist. Now I’ll never register for your wesbite, out of spite, and I’ll tell all my readers not to register, and they’ll listen to me because I’m their Maharishi. [story]
• Looking for advice on how to build the perfect snack stadium for your gay-ass Super Bowl party? LOOK NO FURTHER! [story]
• Last night Nicci and I went for dinner at Yoma Myanmar in Monterey Park. It was our first time eating Burmese food. The lamb curry was delicious. The tea leaf salad was definitely a new kind of flavor that neither of us have experienced before. The fried chayote was really good, especially with the spicy dipping sauce. The Burmese fried catfish was not good at all. If you’re looking for something new and you’re in the area, you should try it. The owner/server is a very nice woman. She was constantly checking to see if we were enjoying ourselves, she made us a huge container of sticky rice as a bonus side, and she gave us free coconut jello for dessert. Then she boxed everything we didn’t finish up for us and sent us on our way like a cute little Southeast Asian Jewish mother with no command of the English language.
• I hope you all enjoy tomorrow’s big football game. I’d play, but I think I tore something bench-pressing a Jeep last week. It doesn’t hurt too bad, I just don’t want to aggravate it. Plus I think football is for pussies. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drink a Diet Coke, eat some yogurt, and play an online board game.
Mahogany Brain – Diamond Voices Of Stars (Have I used this one before? …I think so…)
Acetone – Hound Dog
Don Caballero – Rollerblade Success Story
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