• Did you know that being superstitious can actually bring you good luck? I wish I’d known this back when I was in the height of my obsessively superstitious phase, during tenth or eleventh grade. “New research shows that believing in, say, the power of a good luck charm can actually help improve performance in certain situations, even though the charm and event aren’t logically linked.” Do you want to know what my good luck charm was in high school? I had two. One of them was a pocket full of tranquilizers that I never actually took, but carried everywhere I went for nearly three full years. The second was my fist, which I used to knock-on-wood almost constantly. My routine was such that whenever I thought about a horrible thing that might befall me (everything from throwing up to brain tumors to plane crashes) I would knock-on-wood three times. After a while I realized that if I had to knock-on-wood, my mind would transition from whatever the current superstitious thought was to all the other superstitious thoughts I had. So then I would have to knock-on-wood for all of those thoughts. It got to a point where I was knocking on wood 50 or 60 times in order to combat all the diseases and disasters that might occur in a given day. And I’m still here. I gave up on knocking on wood though…I stopped, cold turkey, and at the time it was the biggest risk I had ever taken in my entire life. Hell, I stopped knocking on wood before I tried tuna fish for the first time. Crazy, right? [story]
• Apparently King Arthur’s round table wasn’t actually a table where people sat and ate together and received instructions before battle. It was more like an amphitheater where tons of people could gather and two or three of them could mock the King a la Mystery Science Theater 3000. [story]
• Supposedly an Eastern European woman turned 130 years old last week. She’s not recognized as the world’s oldest person because her birth records were lost a long time ago. Those fuckers at Guinness don’t take pity on the aged — if they can’t verify your age, like the French woman who is 114 years old, you might as well not even exist. I hope I don’t live to be 114 or 130. I’m miserable enough at 27, I really don’t know if I could keep going for that long without decaying into infinitesimally small particulates of pure hatred. Good luck, 130 year old woman. I hope you at least got laid on your birthday. If you’re Eastern European, you probably did. All the Eastern European girls I know are total sluts. [story]
• Myself and a small gang took some booze and some snacks and went to see Predators tonight in Burbank. What a terrible movie! From the old school black guy and Mexican guy die first routine to the crummy digital effects and fucked-beyond-repair writing, it was a disaster on almost every level. Still, there were many laughs to be had. If you’re looking for an excuse to get drunk and you don’t want to go to a bar, you could do worse than grabbing some booze and paying to sit in the dark for two hours wit your friends slowly growing buzzed. Adrian Brody was just awful. That poor Jew…what was he thinking when he took that role?
• Don’t forget if you want to participate in my new amazing Google Voice experiment, give the blog a call by dialing (415)-938-6478, which is (415)-9FUNGUS. Leave a message and let Google transcribe it for me. Who knows, it could be as funny as this one I received the other night from a Swan Fungus reader: “And we could you please dial up. Hi it’s me 61. Case Of. Secondly, teams of you Hola. Hello left Studios. Hello. The car or in hello.”
Samsara Blues Experiment – For The Lost Souls
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