Boomer Sex: The Very Worst Kind Of Sex

Image courtesy of The Stranger

Most of the time when I write about sex I do so flippantly, vulgarly and in reference to either beautiful people or my own experiences. Tonight I am going to blog about the most disgusting, horrible, terrifying sex you could ever imagine: Baby Boomer sex. I really hate to use an annoying expression, but I think the situation warrants it. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit.

It’s an odd notion that “young people” these days are more sexually responsible than their elders. Especially when you consider how often ‘Boomers are fucking lambasting us for not trying harder or fixing society so they can retire earlier and enjoy their later years. You’d think we’re running around like wild animals, mangy and fucking and contracting diseases that are too difficult for our puny brains to spell or pronounce correctly. Granuloma inguinale? What the fuck is that!? It sounds like it should have a shorthand name but it doesn’t. And then I clicked on the Wikipedia page for it and…Ew…gross. Diseased dick. That Wikipedia should warn you if it’s going to show pictures of diseased sex organs. What if I was at work?

Anyway, my point is, fucking Baby Boomers have already ruined everything else for us. Through all their self-centered, self-interested and self-indulgent behaviors they have effectively destroyed our society. Past wastefully-lead economic practices have come back to haunt younger generations, effectively dashing our hopes for a bright future. We will be mired in their debt long after they’re all dead. No amount of anti-aging or death-preventing science can change that. Everyone had high hopes for ‘Boomers when they were coming of age. They were going to change the world. And then they didn’t. They just fucked us over. And now they’re fucking each other, and it’s really, really gross.

TIME magazine is reporting that — contrary to popular belief — most adolescents are not having sex. Only about 20% of kids between the ages of 14-17 have had intercourse. And most of them use protection. Baby Boomers, on the other hand, are having sex well into their later years, and they’re rarely using any protection. Free love, right? Maybe it’s because they already have acquired and transmitted everything there is to acquire and transmit, but 91% of men over the age of 50 have reported not using condoms when they have sex. As much as 70% of those men didn’t care to use protection even with someone they’ve just met.

Ah, the spirit of the ’60s is alive and well, especially in regard to the wart-infested genitals of the stupid, selfish fuckers who came of age then. “A few older people in the study didn’t use a condom even when they knew they or their partner had a sexually transmitted infection.” What is this, Caligula? Jesus Christ. I know Baby Boomers have a reputation for wanting everything and wanting it right now, but even I — a man with an insatiable pussy-lust — know better than that. I guess, much like how ‘Boomers created the notions of good and bad debt, they will rationalize unprotected sex with partners known to be diseased as being “bad sex,” while unprotected sex with partners who may or may not be diseased is “good sex.” Meanwhile, the rest of us, who have learned to shun debt, will not draw distinctions between the two types of sex. We — according to this TIME survey — mostly engage in safe sex.

One can only hope that — like the American economy before it — the lives of Baby Boomers will soon also “tank”. And by that I mean I hope they die really, really soon. Because we’re not going to move forward so long as we’re having to drag them along with us. Maybe credit reform was the first step on a path to ‘Boomer reform. We’ve (barely) started to adapt our credit system in a way that keeps people out of debt. Now maybe we can turn our eyes and our minds to ‘Boomers and figure out a way to keep them from having sex.

I don’t know what’s worse, reading this article about Baby Boomers and their sexual proclivities or reading retard Wendy Atterberry’s article on The Frisky trying to explain what it means when a guy says he’s leaving to “find himself”. You stupid cunt. You’re a woman. You will never understand what that means. It doesn’t mean “he needs space — space from you and your relationship,” it means he’s fucking done with you and he doesn’t want to tell you that he wants to put his penis in other vaginas. End of story.

No. Reading about Baby Boomers is way worse than reading The Frisky. I know I get angry over the latter, but…Baby Boomers are just the worst. They trump pretty much everything else that gets a rise out of me. I wonder who would win in a Thunderdome match-up between Baby Boomers and Hipsters. Can’t they all die?