First things first. This laptop I’m using right now is “probably cooking [my] testicles!” The medical journal Fertility and Sterility quotes one doctor as saying, “Within 10 or 15 minutes [a man's] scrotal temperature is already above what we consider safe.” So, in other words, I probably won’t be fathering any children in the near future. This laptop has rested comfortably on my junk for about three years. Maybe even on a daily basis. I guess the good news is that I can have as much unprotected sex as I want, as my risk of impregnating a chick is probably extremely low. Maybe I’ll take a shot at some of the ladies on staff at The Frisky. Hell, they’ll probably gladly accept my seed. I doubt any of them get laid. [story]
Not nearly as cool as the LOST Profiles In History auction is the “Hollywood Treasure” auction, which looks….well, not at all interesting. A director’s chair back signed by Seth Rogen? No thanks. The coolest items up for sale are the Back To The Future lots. You can bid on the futuristic hooverboard, that futuristic jacket that dries itself, the self-tying Nike shoes, and the most accurately customized DeLorean ever, which is supposedly as close to the original time machine as possible. [story]
Here’s a great article from the Telegraph (UK) which claims Facebook “knows” when a person is going to be dumped by their significant other. “An analysis of more than 10,000 Facebook relationship status updates has shown that around Valentines Day and Easter time are the times when most couples split up.” Spring Break, April Fool’s Day, “Mondays” (vague?), summer holidays and the two weeks before winter holidays also see spikes in terminated relationships. In other news, never start a relationship, because it’s doomed to fail any day now. I’m just waiting for the day I’m dumped. My guess is, it will occur sometime around Valentines Day, Spring Break, Easter, on a Monday, during the summer, or in the two weeks before the winter holidays. At least I’m on guard. It could happen any day now… [story]
Speaking of which, The Frisky ran an article this week asking, “Would you rather get dumped or dump someone?” As if there’s any question about which is easier to handle. Getting dumped is way better than dumping someone. As someone who has fallen into both categories before, I can definitely say that I would rather a girl kick me to the curb than vice versa. As a guy, when you dump a girl you have to deal with all the emotional fallout, which can last for days, weeks, and sometimes months. Sure, you can use the girl for sex whenever you want under the guise of possibly being interested in rekindling the relationship, but eventually that’s going to backfire and the emotional bullshit you have to deal with grows even more unbearable. At least when a girl tells you she doesn’t want to see you anymore you can get back at her. I don’t know about you, but I get the urge to exact revenge when I’m dumped. I want to prove to everyone that I am desirable and can easily get laid. Instead of feeling defeated, my confidence spikes. I enjoy a good challenge. I relish the challenge. I rise to the challenge. It’s fun. Telling a girl you don’t want your penis inside her (or anywhere near her, I guess) anymore…it’s hard. And then she cries. And then, oh God…it’s just the worst. I don’t wish that shit on anybody. Well…maybe I wish it on the ladies who work at The Frisky. [story]
Good news, drinkers! “Scientists have managed to produce a small-scale version of a human liver in the laboratory using stem cells.” Call me old fashioned, but I thought stem cell research was still kind of illegal? I’m not complaining — it’s nice to know that I can go out tonight and drink as much as I want and medical science will find a way to replace my liver. That shit will definitely come in handy once my drinking problem starts to really spiral out of control. For now, though, it remains barely manageable. So…I’m going to go pour myself a drink. Bye! [story]
November 7th, 2010
Hell, they’ll probably gladly accept my seed. I doubt any of them get laid.