• I traded in my 10-year old Volvo and bought my first car today. It’s a 2009 Toyota “Adam” Corolla. It was quite the ordeal. My Jew powers did nothing to benefit me during the bargaining segment of the deal. I just kept mentioning how hungry I was and how I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible or I was going to pass out. I don’t know if that worked to my advantage or not, but I’ve got a new car so it couldn’t have been that bad.
• Researchers have found what they believe is the oldest domesticated dog in the Americas recently. The bone fragment is nearly 10,000 years old, and its discoverers have no idea what breed of dog it was. I think, I didn’t read the article, just the headline and the lede. Then I started thinking about the Futurama episode “Jurassic Bark” and how underrated it is. Then I started thinking about how I watched that episode with my dying dog the night before it passed away from a brain tumor. Now I’m totally bummed out and I don’t want to write anymore, but I’m going to soldier on because Gail Simmons and her breasts might be reading this and I want to tittyfuck her. [story]
• According to the New York Times, a little-known newspaper with a small circulation, details of the impending cyber war to be declared on the Internet are greatly exaggerated. Apparently it’s not a threat to America at all! I think. I didn’t read the article. I was too busy thinking about the word “cyberwar” and how that annoying git from the UK who always posts negative reader comments should take his own advice and write a list of the fifty worst portmanteaus. I wonder if “cy” or “cyber” words would be on that list. I wonder if that “soft lad” guy has a job. It seems like all he ever does it leave comments on my blog. He can’t have a life, can he? And even if he does, what kind of life is it when all you do is walk the streets asking other men to rape you up the bum? [story]
• I’ve finally gotten over the fact that I wasn’t cast on the picky eaters reality television program. Maybe I was too normal. This morning, though, The Frisky ran an article about the Furry lifestyle, where people who feel important emotional/spiritual connections with certain animals and dress as those animals in order to socialize with likeminded people. And it made me wonder if there is any greater significance to the fact that I dress up as a giant gray mouse every year on Christmas Eve in order to socialize with people. Suggestions? Psychological analyses? Gail Simmons’ home phone number? [story]
• Friend of Swan Fungus Bennett (aka Lawdrone) has written in a request for me to mention a CD sale currently underway via eBay that could enable you people (that’s what I’ve resorted to calling you all now) to purchase some kick-ass music very cheaply. Sunburned Hand Of The Man, NNCK, AMT, (VxPxC), Apls, Digitalis, Three-Lobed and a bunch of other bands/labels are being auctioned off. The best part is, if you win something(s) and mention Swan Fungus you’ll get a club discount. Leave it to a Swan Fungus reader to create a discount for a club that doesn’t exist! [eBay seller page]
January 22nd, 2011
If the lion did not remove the red straw or drink from his mouth during the entire evening, I would be amused.
January 22nd, 2011
Ah, my first new car was an ’85 Mustang GT. As I can’t drive stick I got the automatic. Paid $14,900 back then. A few years later on New Years Eve I used it to (accidently) t-bone a fellow drunkard who had pulled into my lane whilst trying to cross the road. Good times…
That said, buying a new car is painful… especially if you’re financing it. Can take hours and hours and you may have to talk with 4 or 5 salesman-types before its done. Would you like rustproofing? Upgraded this or extended that? A freakin nightmare. The only solace is that you’ll be leaving with a new, reliable vehicle.