Monday Mind Boggler

January 3, 2011

No, that title shouldn’t read “Blogger.” Just…bear with me. I’m going somewhere with this…

For once, the New York Times has run an article that I don’t have a problem with. Yes, I just ended that sentence with a preposition. I don’t care. You shouldn’t either. The last bastion of print media (did I just say that? I don’t even know what that means!) has given up on allowing Bono to write editorials (I hope) and has focused its attention on — wait for it — self-absorbed Baby Boomers! What? Really? The New York Times? I’m supposed to hate The New York Times. The New York Times The New York Times The New York Times! There. Now I’ve said it enough. Anyway, I like the first sentence. “In keeping with a generation’s fascination with itself, the time has come to note the passing of another milestone: One New Year’s Day, the oldest members of the Baby Boom Generation will turn 65, the age once linked to retirement, early bird specials and gray Velcro shoes that go with everything.” Ha! Did you read that mom? Not only are you a Baby Boomer but you’re among the oldest of ’em all! (You just turned 65, right? I forget what year you were born).

I love it, author Steven M. Gillon writes that we shouldn’t generalize about ‘Boomers because apparently the methods used to raise these stupid children “created a sense of entitlement that had not existed before. We became more concerned with our own emotional well-being, whereas to older generations that was considered soft and fluffy.” That’s right, asshole. It was soft and fluffy. Older generations had to fucking fight wars and work shitty, unsafe industrial jobs. They had to emigrate from other countries or survive the Great Depression just to have the opportunity to rear you. Those previous generations turned America into a superpower. Baby Boomers just had to sit in front of a television and learn how to say “I want that,” so their parents could go and buy it for them. And then because they were “soft” and spoiled they decided they didn’t want to fight in any wars or address anything too serious that took time away from being young and having fun. And then those fuckers lucked out with an insane economic boom that made a lot of ’em rich. Now those douches come to this blog and have the gall to tell me I’m out of my element because I hate them all (not you mom!)? Fuck them. I’m glad they’re old. I’m glad they didn’t bring peace and love to the entire world. Another, stronger generation might soon step up to the task and actually achieve it. Instead of, you know, spending money to pamper themselves for forty years, ruining the same economy that was once so vital to the continuation of their self-indulgent “Me! Me! Me!” existence.

Why shouldn’t we generalize about ‘Boomers, Mr. Gillon? Because you are one? Because your generation hangs its hat on the fact that you embraced the civil rights movement and fought for equality for all? Dude, that shit wasn’t even being led by ‘Boomers, and I highly doubt we’d still discriminate against sex, religion or race without your support. To claim that ‘Boomer involvement in the civil rights movement was what brought us where we are today in the fights against bigotry or discrimination is itself a generalization. Oh, and guess what? Those issues still exist today in the form of Prop-8 here in California and the continued push for social and racial equality across America! So what the hell have the ‘Boomers accomplished, exactly, that should stop the rest of us from complaining about them? They want to paint themselves in the annals of history as saviors. They haven’t saved anything. They’ve preserved racial bigotry, they’ve preserved sex discrimination and they’ve preserved environmental degradation. That doesn’t sound like a triumphant, memorable epitaph.

So the ‘Boomers have reached their mid-60s and begun the annoying process of self-reflection. Prepare to see more mind-boggling (see! there it is! we’ve come full circle!) articles such as this one over the course of the next few years as the ‘Boomer generation attempts to rewrite its own history in a not-at-all ambiguous effort to die with their sustained sense of self-worth. Do not read into the PR campaign. Generalize all you want about those pathetic knaves. I know I will, as that’s what keeps people reading this blog.

And now here’s a picture of me being molested by Pluto at Disney World:

3 comments

  1. Lawdrone
    |

    That’s Pluto, the dog. Goofy wears pants.

  2. erik
    |

    well said.

  3. |

    Either way, you’re gonna get raped.

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