There I was, all set to blog about Top Chef last night and how Lorraine Bracco has massive cans, which made me miss the love of my life Gail Simmons even more than having Anthony Bourdain there instead of Gail. Oh Gail, I miss your fucking rack so much. Please return to my television set next week. I need some new masturbation fodder!
There I was, all set to blog about Top Chef last night, and then someone else on Facebook mentioned how sad they were that the White Stripes have called it quits. So I did the most logical thing I could think of and de-friended that person. Do people still care about the White Stripes? I thought that ship sailed back in 2002, but apparently some people have a hard time letting go of the past. I remember when White Blood Cells came out too, and that song “Fell In Love With A Girl” was all the rage. It was catchy, sure, but I wasn’t about to call them “the greatest band since The Sex Pistols” (Daily Mirror, 2001) or anything. To do that would be ludicrous. I was more on the side of Oasis’ Noel Gallagher who joked Jack White looked like “Zorro on donuts.” To me, when the White Stripes first gained notoriety I saw them as all-style and no substance; a garage revival band with a kitschy fashion aesthetic that overshadowed their simplistic songs.
The White Stripes, like the Strokes, benefited from their surroundings. At the time of the band’s ascent to popularity, the airwaves were dominated by groups such as Linkin Park (best selling record of the year), Staind, and Creed. Those were three of the ten most popular rock acts in the country. Obviously — at that point in time — anyone with a different sound (even if it is a re-appropriated one) and the ability to garner attention (such as the aforementioned sleek red and white design principle) was going to appear revolutionary by comparison. That’s not to say being compared to the Sex Pistols or having ‘zines and mainstream media outlets call a band revolutionary makes a band unlikeable. While I would have preferred to hear the White Stripes over Staind on the radio when I was a freshman in college, I simply could not understand the appeal. It was unremarkable. If you strip the band of the phenomenon the media made them out to be, the conscious effort to merge music with fashion and all the other context surrounding the duo, they still never connected with me. A friend sent me White Blood Cells and after four or five listens I was done with it. Like the Strokes record. I figured if I wanted to hear the blues I’d listen to the blues, and if I wanted to hear garage rock band from Detroit I’d listen to the Stooges or MC5. To me those records were compelling. Oh, and did anyone ever figure out why the hell Jack White was singing with a British accent? I mean, if you’re going to play The Kinks’ music you could at least disguise or Americanize your Ray Davies impersonation.
Alas, other than the occasional single, I haven’t heard much White Stripes over the last half decade. After White Blood Cells I didn’t bother to pick up Elephant, though “Seven Nation Army” was (and still is) inescapable. They played a Dolly Parton cover on Conan O’Brien that I liked. Other than that I didn’t bother to seek out their records. So when I started reading about their calling it quits yesterday I thought I’d peek around to see what I’ve been missing. “Doorbell” from Get Behind Me Satain is pretty rudimentary and gimmicky (although the video might be coloring my opinion slightly). “Icky Thump” features some good guitar parts and production techniques. They managed to make the drummer sound a little heavier, but she still doesn’t have any charm or personality; she can’t keep from playing the exact same beat as the guitarist. Which leaves me feeling the same way the majority of the White Stripes soporific oeuvre does. All I hear is a slick garage/pop duo with a metronome-at-best drummer and a singer with odd affectations delivering silly nothing lyrics with the occasional moment of coolness. Feel free to let me know if I’m wrong. I know some of you will.
[images courtesy of G4TV]
February 3rd, 2011
You cunt, they were great in their day. First 3 albums full of great tunes and guitar riffs, better than the shit going round. Brought a new direction and energy to rock and indie.
Just because the last album was wank doesn’t mean they were.
February 4th, 2011
Yeah. I think their greatest achievement is making another classic the-first-song-you-learn-to-play-on-the-guitar. A bit like smoke on the water.
February 4th, 2011
I’ve actually never heard the White Stripes and never been interested but I DID hear that the broad is a shitty drummer (no surprise there) and that she had crippling stage fright. Also heard something about a sex tape.
February 4th, 2011
White Stripes = Billy Childish on Target.
February 4th, 2011
“Oasis’ Noel Gallagher who joked Jack White looked like “Zorro on donuts.†”
That is cruelly funny. First thing I’ve ever liked about Oasis. You, on the other hand, LIKE Oasis….. {shudder}
The 1st 2, maybe 3 White Stripes lps are classic – and were not hyped until well after initial release. IMnotsoHO the MC5 were/are more over-hyped and I’d much rather listen to Ted Taylor’s original Ramblin’ Rose.
Let’s agree that we agree on the Stooges and call it a day!
February 4th, 2011
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HE_JX9GvaVE
That was my favorite.
Jack and the chick are a rock tribute band. where would they be without the kinks , led zep or black sabbath riffs.
why do people listen to Air.
February 4th, 2011
“Zorro on doughnuts”?! HAHAHAHA!! Noel Gallagher is a silly man, but that’s a brilliant–and accurate–comment. I love it!
The White Stripes sounded terribly dull anytime I ever heard them…certainly not memorable. I agree with Evan…it’s hard to imagine that anyone still finds them to be relevant.
February 4th, 2011
Jesus man, being called a cunt because of the White Stripes? You take a lot of abuse mate, I hope you are aware that some of us appreciate you and your work!
As I look at the pic of the band it strikes me just how ugly they are. She looks like a classic irritable bowel sufferer and he’s as doughy as the Pillsbury dude. There can be no doubt that they suck.
February 4th, 2011
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tO6l4Timdg
More than once, The White Stripes reminded me of Royal Trux
why do people care about Cat Power. That’s all i want to know, is it the solemn tension in her cover of Drip Drip by Comus…
that opens the Could you be in a relationship with someone who had been previously sexually abused? Mixtape
February 4th, 2011
That was pretty funny. I agree, they where no G.B.H, FEAR or Black Flag. They didn’t really advance their respective genre that much. Hell, at least Nirvana helped change the basic song structure of pop music to come.
February 8th, 2011
White Stripes were all about posing in RED and WHITE… through in some BLACK into the picture. Fucking posers.
August 18th, 2011
I’m Zimbabwean, and i think the only Black fan of The White Stripes. Honestly, i dnt know why i love them, coz when i listen to them, its all discord and offbeat drums and stupid lyrics and stupid voice! I’ll always wonder why i can spend 1 week straight listening to only them, i’ll also always wonder wat ppl see in them. I’ll always love them tho!