Local Ghosts, Dead Fish, Jinmenken, Perigee Moons And More!

March 19, 2011
  • Local Ghosts, Dead Fish, Jinmenken, Perigee Moons And More!

• We’ve received numerous reports from M. Hornet Montana regarding local stories in need of investigation. Perhaps over the course of the next few weeks I’ll take a look at the Los Angeles Central Library. Apparently occult symbolism runs rampant in the architecture and artwork. Also, it will be a good excuse for me to go to a library, because I’m pretty sure I haven’t stepped foot in one since I was four or five years old. Funny, I would have thought people gave up on libraries within the last decade, but then I remembered that homeless people need places to shoot up their drugs and check out Internet porn. And college kids need places to fuck. At least that’s how it was at my colleges. Homeless people jacking off and kids fucking in the darkest corners of the library. I swear, libraries are like the parking lot at a Judas Priest concert in the ’80s. [story]

• More importantly, and perhaps more pressing, is the issue of visiting California City. I really have to make it out to this place the next time the weather permits. 82,000 acres of largely untouched land with a grid of intersecting roads cross-crossing the desert. Sounds unbelievable. Total head-trip. It’s hard to imagine a place developing more slowly over the course of four or five decades, but apparently it’s very possible, and California City is living [dead] proof. Judging by the pictures, this is something that needs to be experienced firsthand. Like Bombay Beach and Salton City. Yeah…I’m going to make it out to California City soon. I can guarantee it. [story]

• Oh, and Monsieur Montana also pointed me to this article — which I’d already heard about on the local news — detailing the huge fish die-off in Redondo Beach. We’re talking about millions of fish dying suddenly and without explanation. Like the bird die-off a few months ago that made national headlines. Again, I’m used to stories like this coming from the Salton Sea era (which I’ve seen in person and it’s insane), but Redondo? That’s a little too close for comfort, no? According to the experts, the reason given for the die-off was “oxygen depletion in the King Harbor basins,” which tells me…nothing at all. Millions of dead fish. There’s a sexist joke in there somewhere, but I’ll leave that to one of you fellas to make. I’m trying to class things up a bit around here. [story]

• Someone emailed me this week asking that I please direct your attention to a blog post entitled “Sketches Of SXSW Archetypes.” So here I am, doing just that. You see how gullible I am? Just tell me to write about something and I’ll write about it. Even if I don’t know you. [story]

• Even though I’ve known MikeM for 10 years (holy shit. HOLY SHIT. I just realized I’ve known you for a decade. I feel so old. Ugh, even your hot wife has probably fallen out of “MILF” range by now. Sorry…where was I? Oh, right. MikeM. Even though he reads this page regularly and knows fully well that my girlfriend spells her name “Nicci,” that hasn’t stopped him from partaking in a little bit of comments section performance art this week. You should check out his comments as “Nickie” where he does everything in his power to make me think my girlfriend is leaving dumb comments all over the blog. First of all, Mike, her only comments are to point out typos. Second of all, it’s been three years. Shouldn’t you know how to spell her name by now?

• This article about Jinmenken was a real feast for the eyes and mind. It reminds me of the book Stephen in Japan sent me about another piece of Japanese folklore, except instead of weird occult shit it’s about dogs that have human faces. Crazy, right? I’ve heard people joke before that a lot of times you can see a resemblance between an owner and his dog, but I’ve never heard of a dog with a human face before. And I have to tell you, I love dogs, I think they’re the cutest and I want one very badly, but I don’t think I could even learn to love a dog with a human face. It’d be worse than adopting a child, I think. The fakest of fake loves. The reverse scenario — the human with a dog face — is totally not a myth. Trust me, I’ve slept with one or two before. ZING! [story]

• Of all the news reports filed in the wake of the Japan earthquake, I think the most fascinating is that the quake actually shortened the length of a day on earth by 1.8 microseconds. When I started seeing all those headlines at first I worried we might have to contract a month or two, but it turns out 1.8 microseconds is a really small amount of time. I’m not good at math, but I’m pretty sure that this factoid won’t make a difference in our calendar until at least half-a-million years from now. And I’ll be long dead by then. So who cares? [story]

• Yeah, I’ve read all about it on Facebook too. The moon this weekend is the biggest it has been in 20 years. It’s called a super “perigee moon” and apparently it’s much more rare than the “blue moon,” which I had no idea was so common. So for all you stargazers and skywatchers or whatever your stupid little clique is called — you might want to grab your sweetie or your bong and look up at the sky tonight. The next ssuper pirogi moon won’t be visible until almost 2030. [story]

 

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